Richard Baxter

The principal thing requisite to the right governing of families is the fitness of the governors and the governed thereto…But if persons unfit for their relations have joined themselves together in a family, their first duty is to repent of their former sin and rashness and presently to turn to God, [seeking] after that fitness that is necessary to the right discharge of the duties of their several places. In fathers, these three things are of greatest necessity hereunto: 1. authority, 2. skill, 3. holiness and readiness of will.

1. GENERAL DIRECTIONS: LET FATHERS MAINTAIN THEIR AUTHORITY IN THEIR FAMILIES.

For if once that is lost and you are despised by those you should rule, your word will be of no effect with them. You do but ride without a bridle: your power of governing is gone when your authority is lost. And here you must first understand the nature, use, and extent of your authority: for as your relations are different to your wife [and] your children…so is your authority. Your authority over your wife is but such as is necessary to the order of your family, the safe and prudent management of your affairs, and your comfortable cohabitation. The power of love and complicated interest must do more than magisterial¹ commands. Your authority over your children is much greater; but only such as conjunct² with love is needful to their good education and felicity…For the maintaining of this your authority, observe these following sub-directions:

Direction 1: Let your family understand that your authority is of God, Who is the God of order, and that in obedience to Him they are obliged to obey you. “There is no power but of God” (Rom 13:1), and there is none that the intelligent creature can so much reverence as that which is of God. All bonds are easily broken and cast away—by the soul at least, if not by the body—which are not perceived to be Divine. An enlightened conscience will say to ambitious usurpers, “God I know, and His Son Jesus I know, but who are ye?”

Direction 2: The more of God [that] appeareth upon you in your knowledge, holiness, and unblamableness of life, the greater will your authority be in the eyes of all your [household] that fear God. Sin will make you contemptible and vile; holiness, being the image of God, will make you honorable. In the eyes of the faithful, “a vile person is contemned³”; but they honor “them that fear the LORD” (Psa 15:4).

“Righteousness exalteth a nation”—and a person—“but sin is a reproach⁴ to any people” (Pro 14:34). Those that honor God He will honor, and those that despise Him shall be lightly esteemed (1Sa 2:30). They that give up themselves to vile affections and conversations⁵ (Rom 1:25) will seem vile when they have made themselves so. Eli’s sons made themselves vile by their sin (1Sa 3:13). I know men should discern and honor a person placed in authority by God, though they are morally and naturally vile; but this is so hard that it is seldom well done. And God is so severe against proud offenders that He usually punisheth them by making them vile in the eyes of others. At least when they are dead and men dare freely speak of them, their names will rot (Pro 10:7). The instances of the greatest emperors in the world—Persian, Roman, and Turkish—do tell us that if (by whoredom, drunkenness, gluttony, pride, and especially persecution) they will make themselves vile, God will permit them to become the shame and scorn of men by uncovering their nakedness. And shall a wicked father think to maintain his authority over others while he rebelleth against the authority of God?

Direction 3: Show not your natural weakness by passions or imprudent words or deeds. For if they think contemptuously of your person, a little thing will draw them further to despise your words. There is naturally in man so high an esteem of reason that men are hardly persuaded that they should rebel against reason to be governed (for order’s sake) by folly. They are very apt to think that rightest reason should bear rule. Therefore, any silly, weak expressions, any inordinate passions, or any imprudent actions are very apt to make you contemptible in your [household’s] eyes.

Direction 4: Lose not your authority by a neglect of using it. If you suffer children…to have the head⁶ but a little while and to have, say, and do what they will, your government will be but a name or image. A moderate course between a lordly rigor and a soft subjection…will best preserve you from your [household’s] contempt.

Direction 5: Lose not your authority by too much familiarity. If you make your children…your playfellows or equals and talk to them and suffer them to talk to you as your companions, they will quickly grow upon you and hold their custom.⁷ Though another may govern them, they will scarce ever endure to be governed by you, but will scorn to be subject where they have once been as equal.

____

1. magisterial – authoritative.
2. conjunct – combined.
3. contemned – treated with contempt; despised.
4. reproach – disgrace.
5. vile affections and conversations – disgraceful lusts and lifestyles.
6. head – leadership.
7. grow…custom – get used to being treated as equals and eventually lose respect for your authority

From “A Christian Directory” in The Practical Works of Richard Baxter, Vol. 4, Soli Deo Gloria, a division of Reformation Heritage Books

Richard Baxter (1615-1691): Anglican Puritan preacher and theologian; born in Rowton, Shropshire, England.

Courtesy of Chapel Library