In this 17th of 41 letters on religious subjects, John Newton offers good advice for most Christians who wish they could feel more spiritual and closer to the Lord than they do most of the time.
“A Christian’s Usual Disappointment with Himself”
1. You asked me what a pastor should do who suffers spiritual dullness as a rule except when preaching. I know about this from personal experience. Let me address this specific issue and broaden it to include the feelings of Christians generally, so that others may benefit.
2. You said you usually preach well enough, so what would you do if you were always, even out of the pulpit, on a spiritual mountaintop? Have you ever thought about the dangers of that? Wouldn’t you become puffed up with pride and a sense of self-sufficiency without the Lord Jesus Christ who died for you and now prays for you? How could you counsel other true Christians with much sympathy, who, unlike yourself, were groaning on account of their remaining sins? Would you be able to speak as well to them about the heart’s deceitfulness, the vicissitudes of Christian experience, and the mighty internal struggles of the flesh against the spirit, if you yourself did not painfully suffer all these things?
3. No less than the Apostle Paul was often brought low as a Christian and as a minister, and it increased his usefulness, even in preaching. God kept Paul from “being exalted above measure” (2 Cor 12.7) and thus enabled him to give the most encouraging counsel, even to the weakest. Though an angel spoke to Cornelius at first, yet God intended him to hear the gospel message through the Apostle Peter, because he could preach feelingly, as one subject to human passions. So your complaint concerns what is necessary and helpful to you as a Christian minister. You must suffer the spiritual trials common to all the Lord’s people, so that you can connect with them, in utter dependence on the help of the Lord Jesus Christ (John 15.5).
4. Aren’t these things also true of believers in general? We ought to yearn for the rare and highest experiences we have known of fellowship with the Lord. They are either lost or spiritually very sick who just coast because they are doctrinally orthodox or seemed to have a few good days in the past. But as long as we have a strong spiritual desire for the Lord, we should not despair if we do not often enjoy the thrill of His most intimate companionship. The fundamentals of our relationship with Him are constant, no matter how we feel. You cannot judge the reality and measure of His grace by your ups and downs. A better test is whether God’s Word really influences and changes you. Your rejoicing in Him should be constant (Phil 4.4), when you’re up and when you’re down. Your experiences vary; His love and promises are always the same. You might be making an idol out of feeling good, and not submissive enough to frowning Providence. Self-will and self-righteousness can seem like virtue and exacerbate this condition. The Lord has taught me that sin has made me a complicated mess, and He is the infallible physician of my soul. But I have foolishly questioned His prescriptions for me! I have thought I needed things He withheld, or could do without things He ordained for me! Only His divine patience accounts for why He still puts up with me. I am still learning that He brings good out of evil. My pleasures have been few and my pains many, but I trust it has not been for nothing, and that I am better off now than I would have been. I have grown in trusting God more than my own heart.
5. Self-righteousness has made me want to acquire a stock of grace I could call my own, lessening my need to keep coming to Jesus every day, admitting my constant need of Him. I have felt I would prefer to make do for myself except in extreme circumstances, and only then resort to Him. Experience has taught me I cannot do anything without Him except that for which I am ashamed. But even then I often failed to learn my lesson, and have become sullen, angry, and discontent. I am beginning to accept, even glory in, my weaknesses, so Christ’s power may rest upon me. I am nothing and He is my all. However, I am still in danger of slipping back.
6. In this life, there is no escaping the presence and some effects of my remaining sin. Why should I be surprised, then, by its readiness to assert itself except for the powerful influence of God’s grace in me? My total depravity ought to humble me but not discourage me, since Jesus is my wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption (1 Cor 1.30), and He keeps grace alive in my heart.
7. In one sense to be left alone by the devil would be dangerous, since we could grow complacent. But I warn you against desiring to be so exercised by his temptations, for the sake of spiritual good. The Lord has directed us to pray that we enter not into temptation. Have you considered how much harm the devil could do to you? Then be thankful if the Lord holds him back. Only young sailors want a storm; the experienced ones are thankful for calm weather. So let us be content to serve the Lord as He leads, and He will surely bless us. Signed, JN.
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It is easy to imagine that eminent saints like John Newton lived on cloud nine most of the time, but we know from this letter that he did not. Other great men, like Calvin, Spurgeon, and Edwards, have similar testimonies. Even Elijah was subject to “like passions as we are” (Jas 5.17).
When we realize that inordinate impatience with this present state of things can stem from pride, we have taken a step in the right direction. To our dying day, the Lord Himself must be our soul’s daily manna. This divine arrangement is both for our ultimate good and His glory. Ω