Arthur W. Pink

Be a Good Example. Second, good instruction is to be accompanied by good example. The teaching that issues only from the lips is not at all likely to sink any deeper than the ears. Children are particularly quick to detect inconsistencies and to despise hypocrisy.¹³ It is at this point that parents need to be most on their faces before God, daily seeking from Him that grace that they so sorely need and that He alone can supply. What care you need to take, lest you say or do anything before your children that would tend to corrupt their minds or be of evil consequence for them to follow! How you need to be constantly on your guard against anything that might render you mean and contemptible in the eyes of those who should respect and revere you! The father is not only to instruct his children in the ways of holiness, but is himself to walk before them in those ways and show by his practice and demeanor¹⁴ what a pleasant and profitable thing it is to be regulated by the Divine Law.

In a Christian home, the supreme aim should be household piety—the honoring of God at all times. Everything else must be subordinated to this high purpose. In the matter of family life, neither husband nor wife can throw on the other all the responsibility for the religious character of the home. The mother is most certainly required to supplement the efforts of the father, for the children enjoy far more of her company than they do of his. If there is a tendency in fathers to be too strict and severe, mothers are prone to be too lax and lenient; and they need to be much on their guard against anything that would weaken their husband’s authority.

When he has forbidden a thing, she must not give her consent to it. It is striking to note that the exhortation of Ephesians 6:4 is preceded by instruction to “be filled with the Spirit” (5:18), while the parallel exhortation in Colossians 3:21 is preceded by the exhortation to “let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly” (5:16), showing that parents cannot possibly discharge their duties unless they are filled with the Spirit and the Word.

Discipline Your Children. Third, instruction and example is to be enforced by correction and discipline. This means, first of all, the exercise of authority—the proper reign of Law. Of “the father of the faithful,” God said, “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him” (Gen 18:19). Ponder this carefully, Christian fathers. Abraham did more than proffer¹⁵ good advice: he enforced law and order in his household. The rules he administered had for their design the keeping of “the way of the Lord”—that which was right in His sight. And this duty was performed by the patriarch in order that the blessing of God might rest on his family. No family can be properly brought up without household laws, which include reward and punishment; and these are especially important in early childhood, when as yet moral character is unformed and moral motives are not understood or appreciated.

Rules should be simple, clear, reasonable, and inflexible like the Ten Commandments—a few great moral rules, instead of a multitude of petty restrictions. One way of needlessly provoking children to wrath is to hamper them with a thousand trifling restrictions and minute regulations that are capricious¹⁶ and are due to a fastidious¹⁷ temper in the parent.

It is of vital importance for the child’s future good that he or she should be brought into subjection at an early age. An untrained child means a lawless adult. Our prisons are crowded with those who were allowed to have their own way during their minority. The least offense of a child against the rulers of the home ought not to pass without due correction; for if he finds leniency in one direction or toward one offense, he will expect the same toward others. And then disobedience will become more frequent until the parent has no control save that of brute force.

The teaching of Scripture is crystal clear on this point. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Pro 22:15; cf. 23:13-14). Therefore, God has said, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes¹⁸” (Pro 13:24). And again, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” (Pro 19:18). Let not a foolish fondness stay thee. Certainly God loves His children with a much deeper parental affection than you can love yours, yet He tells us, “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten” (Rev 3:19; cf. Heb. 12:6). “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Pro 29:15). Such severity must be used in his early years, before age and obstinacy¹⁹ have hardened the child against the fear and smart of correction. Spare the rod, and you spoil the child; use it not on him, and you lay up one for your own back.

It should hardly need pointing out that the above Scriptures are by no means teaching that a reign of terror is to mark the home life. Children can be governed and chastened in such a way that they lose not their respect and affection for their father. Beware of souring their temper by unreasonable demands or provoking their wrath by striking them to vent your own rage. The father is to punish a disobedient child not because he is angry, but because it is right—because God requires it, and the welfare of the child demands it. Never make a threat that you have no intention of executing nor a promise you do not mean to perform. Remember that for your children to be well informed is good, but for them to be well controlled is better.

Pay close attention to the unconscious influences of a child’s surroundings. Study how to make your home attractive, not by introducing carnal and worldly things, but by noble ideals, by inculcating²⁰ a spirit of unselfishness, by genial²¹ and happy fellowship. Separate the little ones from evil associates. Watch carefully the periodicals and books that come into your home, the occasional guests that sit at your table, and the companionships that your children form. Parents often carelessly let others have free access to their children who undermine parental authority, overturn parental ideals, and sow seeds of frivolity and iniquity before they are aware. Never let your child spend a night among strangers. So train your children that your girls will be useful and helpful members of their generation and your boys industrious and self-supporting.

Pray for Your Children. Fourth, the last and most important duty, respecting both the temporal and spiritual good of your children, is fervent supplication to God for them. Without this, all the rest will be ineffectual. Means are unavailing unless the Lord blesses them. The “throne of grace” (Heb 4:16) is to be earnestly implored that your efforts to bring up your children for God may be crowned with success. True, there must be a humble submission to His sovereign will, a bowing before the truth of election. On the other hand, it is the privilege of faith to lay hold of the divine promises and to remember that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much (Jam 5:16). Of holy Job, it is recorded concerning his sons and daughters that he “rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all” (Job 1:5). A prayerful atmosphere should pervade the home and be breathed by all who share it.

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13. See FGB 193, Hypocrisy, available from CHAPEL LIBRARY.
14. demeanor – way a person looks or behaves toward other people.
15. proffer – offer for acceptance.
16. capricious – guided by whim or fancy, not settled judgment.
17. fastidious – difficult to please.
18. betimes – speedily; diligently.
19. obstinacy – stubbornness.
20. inculcating – teaching or impressing upon the mind by frequent instruction or repetition.
21. genial – friendly; cheerful.

From Studies in the Scriptures

A.W. Pink (1886-1952): Pastor, itinerate Bible teacher, author; born in Nottingham, England

Courtesy of Chapel Library