Richard Steele

And the wife see that she reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:33b).

III. THIS HATH BROUGHT US TO THE THIRD THING, BY WHICH THE REVERENCE OF THE WIFE IS DESCRIBED AND THAT IS BY THE EFFECTS THEREOF. And they also are,

1. In word: “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speak-eth” (Mat 12:34). If there be that inward fear and respect in the heart, which God requires, it will be legible in the words of their mouths. The same law that binds the heart in this case doth also govern the tongue. “In her tongue is the law of kindness” (Pro 31:26). And here certainly “a wholesome tongue is a tree of life,” whereas “perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit” (Pro 15:4.)

Now this reverence in the wife is showed,

(1) In her words of her husband: Which should always be composed of respect and honor. Thus Sarah is brought in by the Apostle: “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well” (1Pe 3:6). And this was the language of her heart, as you heard before out of Genesis 18:12. And no wife is too great or good to imitate her example in the main by giving respectful titles and expressions of her husband…all the reproach and ignominy⁵⁵ that they pour out on their husbands doth infallibly redound⁵⁶ to their own shame, their honor and respect standing and falling together.

(2) The words of the wife to her husband ought to be full of reverence. She should beware, (i) Of an excess in the quantity, not preposterously interrupting her husband while he is speaking, nor answering ten words for one. For silence doth more commend the wisdom of a woman than speech; and she that is wise spareth her words. Though she seem to be religious, yet if she do not bridle her tongue, her religion is vain. And, (ii) She must beware of a defect in the quality of them, namely, of meekness and respect. For the great study of the wife should be to get a “meek and quiet spirit, which in the sight of God,” yea, and of man too, “is of great price” (1Pe 3:4). When the heart is once meekened⁵⁷ by the grace of God, then her words will savor⁵⁸ of it, and not until then…Hath not God said, “A soft tongue breaketh the bone” (Pro 25:15)? [This] is more than any virulent⁵⁹ tongue can do…It will be an unspeakable comfort at death and judgment to reflect upon the victories that their patience hath gotten and how oft their quiet silence and mild answers have kept the peace…This is certain: if meekness and respect will not prevail, anger and passion never can…

2. The effects of a wife’s reverence to her husband must be in deed also. And that by obedience to his directions and restraints…The wife is bound in conscience to obey her husband in every thing that is not contrary to the will of God. Indeed, if he command her to do any thing that is sinful by the Law of God—if he should bid her tell a lie, bear false witness, or the like—she must modestly and resolvedly refuse it. If he forbid her to do anything, that is by God’s command made an undispensable duty unto her—if he should absolutely forbid her to pray, to read the Scripture, to sanctify the Lord’s day, or the like—then she must “obey God rather than men” (Act 5:29). But in all other cases, though she may respectfully persuade with him, yet if he insist upon it, her obedience will be her best sacrifice and her compliance will be the means to make her yoke the more easy…

The house is her proper place: for she is the beauty of the house. There her business lies, there she is safe…When sun and moon both disappear, the sky is dark; and when both husband and wife are abroad, many disorders breed at home; and you know whose character it is: “She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house” (Pro 7:11.)

So also where the husband judges most convenient to dwell, there the wife must cheerfully consent to dwell with him, though it may be, either in respect of her friends or of his, more uncomfortable to her. Thus…He that appoints them to “love their husbands” (Tit 2:4) doth in the next verse enjoin them to be “discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (2:5). For though even good women be put to silence, yet good works never can…

Few husbands [are] so bad, but the discretion and respect of a wife would reform them; and few wives [are] so ill-tempered, but the wisdom and affection of a husband would make them better.

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55. ignominy – dishonor.
56. redound – return as a consequence.
57. meekened – made submissive; humbled.
58. savor – show traces of the presence or influence of.
59. virulent – violently bitter; spiteful.

From “What Are the Duties of Husbands and Wives Towards Each Other?” in Puritan Sermons 1659-1689, Being the Morning Exercises at Cripplegate, Vol. 2, reprinted by Richard Owen Roberts, Publishers.

Richard Steele (1629-1692): Puritan preacher and author; remembered as “a good scholar, a hard student, and an excellent preacher”; author of The Character of the Upright Man and others. Born at Bartholmley, Cheshire, England.

Courtesy of Chapel Library