Richard Steele

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself (Ephesians 5:33a).

Let us trace the husband’s love to his wife in its pattern, laid down in the Scripture, and particularly in the context and words that I am handling.

1. The husband ought to love his wife, as our Savior Christ loveth His church:

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church” (v. 25). He must “nourish and cherish her, even as the Lord the church” (v. 29). Now these texts direct us to the quality of our love, though we cannot reach to an equality with Christ herein…His love is represented here to be,

(1) Hearty, without dissimulation:⁴²

He “loved the church, and gave himself for it” (v. 25). His love was real, for He died of it. The husband must write after this copy. Not to love his wife in word and tongue only, but in deed and in truth, that if his heart were opened, her name might be found written there…

(2) Free, without [expectation of reward]:

For He gave Himself that He might cleanse His church (v. 26), which implies that she was in ill plight⁴³ when He began His motions⁴⁴. She was no beauty. No. We loved Him because He loved us first (1Jo 4:19). The husband must precede and by his love draw out the love of his wife. For love is the whetstone of love. If she appears weak, as their sex by constitution is—in wisdom, strength, and courage, or prove unlovely and negligent of her duty—yet he must love her, for love seeketh not her own (1Co 13:5). True love doth more study to better the object beloved, than to advantage the subject that loveth. To love a wife only in hopes of some advantages by her is unworthy the heart of a husband and no way like the example of Christ.

(3) Holy, without impurity:

For He “loved the church…that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word” (vv. 25, 26)…The husband cannot have a better copy and is taught hereby to endeavor, at any cost and pains whatsoever, to further the sanctification and salvation of his wife.

(4) Great, without comparison:

For “greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (Joh 15:13), and so did our Savior. He gave Himself for His church (v. 25)…The husband must herein imitate his Lord and Master by preserving a singular and superlative respect for his wife because she is a member “of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones”…

(5) His is an active and fruitful love:

For He “nourisheth and cherisheth” His church (v. 29). His poor church is always wanting; He supplies her. She is in trouble; He protects her. She is ready to sink; but He awakes to save her. Such must be a husband’s love. He must spare no cost, no pains, to do his wife good…Thus the husband must love his wife as Christ loveth His church. .

2. The husband ought to love his wife as himself.

So saith the text. The Apostle had said, “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies” (v. 28) and, lest that should not be sufficient, he goes on in my text and says, “Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself”…he that doth not know with what manner of love Christ doth love His church, yet knows with what love he loves himself. And that is,

(1) Tenderly: No one can touch or handle a man’s sores and griefs so tenderly as himself: “No man ever yet hated his own flesh,” how unlovely soever, but nourisheth and cherisheth it (v. 29). Such ought the husband’s love to be toward his wife, accompanied with the greatest tenderness. For they are like crystal glasses, soon broken if not tenderly handled…

(2) Cheerfully: No man is so ready to help a man as himself. His best friends sometimes falter and are weary at length; but every man [helps] himself. Let the business be never so hard or hazardous, a man will venture when it is for himself. So must the husband most readily and cheerfully assist, comfort, and help his wife. If a cloud arises between them, the husband’s love must dissolve it quickly; for no man is long angry with himself…he should have his ear open, his hand, his heart ready to pity, help, and gratify her, even as he is ready to help himself.

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42. dissimulation – hypocrisy.
43. ill plight – a distressing situation or condition.
44. motions – activities or movements in pursuing something.

From “What Are the Duties of Husbands and Wives Towards Each Other?” in Puritan Sermons 1659-1689, Being the Morning Exercises at Cripplegate, Vol. 1, reprinted by Richard Owen Roberts, Publishers.

Richard Steele (1629-1692): Puritan preacher and author; remembered as “a good scholar, a hard student, and an excellent preacher”; author of The Character of the Upright Man and others. Born at Bartholmley, Cheshire, England.

Courtesy of Chapel Library