Alan Dunn

Brethren, let’s begin together asking for God’s grace and help as we continue in our study of His word. Our gracious God and our Father, we pray now that you would give to us the Holy Spirit; we pray that we would be instructed from your word as to how to be men of God, men who are godly, men who are Christian men in our homes, that we might be instruments in your hand, that we might be servants in your household, that we might be ministers of the new covenant, that we might be effectual in our efforts to advance your kingdom, that we might be fruitful and bring glory and praise to Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray, Amen.

In this hour we are going to consider the priority of the pastor’s care of his family. In our last hour, we looked at the pastor’s care of himself, and we considered the priority of maintaining our own spiritual health that we must indeed be true Christian men; we must be disciplined in our devotion to Christ, in our devotional reading of the word of God, and our secret prayer life, and we must strive to keep a good conscience before God and before men. Considering the necessity of maintaining our health, we could also address ourselves to the matter of our intellectual health and be challenged from the word of God as to how to maintain intellectual vigor, particularly in our reading habits. We could also be challenged from the word of God in the matter of maintaining our physical health. We must strive as men to be as physically healthy and strong as we can be so that we might be vigorous and energetic in the ministry of the gospel, so that we can avoid unnecessary illness that would hinder us from being constant in our ministries. We could also speak from the word of God concerning our emotional health, and how we need as men in relationship to others to have an emotional health and vigor. Of course, in this hour, when we address ourselves to our relationship to our wives and to our children, we will in large measure be talking about our emotional health. It is of course, with our families in focus that we come to this present study.

As pastors, we are men in our community. We are men in the community of our churches, and we live as one among them. We don’t have an itinerate traveling ministry from church to church, but we are settled in the community of God’s people. We are community men, and as such the Scripture identifies us more often than not, as being married men, and married men more often than not, have children, and when the congregation is instructed from the word to look among themselves in their community to identify those men whom they can recognize as having been given the Holy Spirit, who has prepared them and equipped them for the work of shepherding and pastoring, they are told that one of the things they are to look at is a man in relation to his family, that they will recognize who is capable to give leadership in the church by recognizing those leadership skills being exercised in the man’s home.

They are told that the way a man loves and leads in his home will be in large measure the same way that he will love and lead in the church, that the skills that he has to lead his wife and children are the same skills that will then be applied in giving leadership to the people of God. So, they’re told that they can tell whether or not a man is qualified to be a pastor in his community by considering him in relation to his wife and in relation to his children. Unlike any other vocation, most other jobs that men have, you don’t go to work and your boss asks you, so how’s your marriage. He doesn’t care. If you’re selling widgets, he just wants you to sell as many widgets as you can, and if your marriage is a mess, doesn’t matter, as long as you’re selling widgets. How’re your children? It doesn’t matter to him, just as long as you’re being productive on the workplace. Our job is not like that. We are our job, if you will. As is being pressed on us from Pastor Meadow’s ministry and from our own studies here, we as men are in essence the expression of our ministries, and what we are as men is most evident in our own homes, for if a man is not a Christian in his home, he’s not a Christian. If a man is not a Christian in his marriage, he’s not a Christian, if he’s not a Christian in his family, he’s not a Christian. His primary relationships are indicators for the church to look out and to see who is the mature Christian man, who is the man who has leadership, who is the man who is able to love, who is the man who is able to influence our souls, to encourage us and direct us into the things of God.

Well, we must then first consider the pastor that he must care for his wife. Let’s look at these qualifications in first Timothy chapter three and verse two, our eyes light upon the words: “The overseer then must be above reproach, the husband of one wife.” Likewise again in Titus chapter one and verse six: “Namely if any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife.” Now Paul here again is assuming what is normal for men who are living in their communities, that they are normally married men and that they normally have children. The overarching concern for the church in determining whether or not a man is qualified for the ministry is the issue of his reputation, of his reproach, that he does not have reproach. We see that in first Timothy three verse two and again in verse seven, as we ended in our last study, the honor of God’s name is at stake in the quality of the men that we bring forward as leaders. The name of God must not be blasphemed among the gentiles because of us, and so the man’s reputation and the man’s reproach, being irreproachable, he must be a credit, he must own the consciences of those outside and those inside the church; and so that’s the concern as we address the man’s family life. We’re asking the question, is the man’s family life exemplary? Does it command the integrity of the gospel; does it honor the name of God? If the man’s family life is not exemplary, then the church has reason to wonder whether or not the pastor is truly qualified.

In first Timothy three and verse eleven we see something very interesting; here the apostle describes in the Greek the “gune,” the women, he says, “women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate and faithful in all things.” Now, the interpretation of this verse depends upon how this Greek word is translated. Conservative scholars have presented us with two main options: one is that the word “gune” should be translated “woman” and that here Paul has in mind a group of female workers who are auxiliary to the deacons. He’s talked about the deacons and now he’s talking about their female assistance. I think that this view is commendable, provided that we do not establish a new church office. I do think that women in our churches ought to be viewed as contributing ministers, if you will, to the life and ministry of the church, as Pastor Meadows taught us in our last study, that the older women are to teach the younger women, that there is a ministry for the women in the church that they are peculiarly qualified for, and we need to encourage that kind of thing. And when we interpret this passage in the view of the life of Phoebe, in Romans sixteen one, who was a servant in the church, I believe that we would benefit from encouraging women in our churches to be more aggressively engaged in advancing the gospel in their dealings one with another and in their ministries in general. But the word can also be translated as “wife,” and here is how the word is translated in verse two, the husband of one “gune,” one wife, also again in regard to the deacons, that they must be husbands of one wife in verse twelve again the word “gune,” so the context in my mind leads us to think that Paul is talking about wives. I’m not dogmatic, but that’s the way I’m going to interpret and handle the passage in our study.

If we indeed see Paul describing the wife of both the deacon and the elder, he’s describing them as having the same basic qualifications or characteristics that are first seen in their husbands. Notice when you compare verse eight and verse eleven, “Deacons must likewise be men of dignity.”Look at verse eleven, “Women must likewise be dignified.” Verse eight, “Deacons must be not double-tongued.” Verse eleven, “Women must not be malicious gossips.” Verse eight, “Deacons must not be addicted to much wine.” Verse eleven, “Women must be temperate.” Verse eight, “Deacons must not be fond of sordid gain.” Verse eleven, “Women must be faithful in all things.” When you line up those two verses you see that there is a parallelism in the vocabulary and in the concepts that Paul has in mind as he describes the wife of the deacon, the wife of the elder, and compares them and you see these similarities. I submit to you that when we interpret the passage in this way and understand the woman in view as the wife, Paul is presenting to us, Paul is presenting rather to the church, one of the best evidences for a man’s qualification to exercise spiritual leadership. The church is asking the question, what kind of spiritual leadership will this man give to us if we ordain him as our pastor? How is this man going to influence other people? What kind of influence does he have upon other people? Does he have the ability to lead another soul into truth and to bring them into some spiritual benefit? Can he bring an unconverted person into the word of the gospel and lead them to Christ? Can he nurture faith in little ones and in believers? What kind of leadership does he have?

Well, what better way to answer that question than to look at the man’s wife and to see the impact of his leadership and his love and his spiritual guidance upon the one whom God has given to Him to be head and to lead and to love. The pastor’s aptitude for spiritual leadership will be most evident in the way in which he treats his own wife. She is the answer to the question, how does this man influence other people? Will the church prosper under his leadership, or will the church wither? Will the church mature and blossom, or will the church shrink and shrivel? An awful lot is seen by the way in which his leadership, the fruit that his leadership bears in his domestic relationships. So that when you see those characteristics of the woman described in verse eleven, you see a reflection of her husband’s characteristics first given to us in verse eight. She reflects his character. She reflects his virtues.

Now, I’m not saying that a Christian woman is unable to cultivate these godly virtues apart from a husband, I’m not saying that, but I am saying that the wife of a pastor must show these virtues that they are evident because of her cooperation with his spiritual leadership in the home and that he is in fact leading her into spiritual maturity. If the elder is really a man of godly character and capable of influencing others to holiness, then where will it be more evident if not in his own marriage? If he loves her, Paul says, he’ll love the church. If he’s sensitive to her, Paul says, he’ll be sensitive to the church. If she is submissive to him, it’s because she respects him and she trusts him, therefore the church has reason to think, he’s trustworthy. He’s gained the respect and confidence of the woman who knows him and sees him at his worst, in private, and she still respects it. If she is unwilling to be led by him, the church should ask the question whether the church should be willing to be led by him. What does she know about him that we don’t? If he cannot sustain the respect of his wife, could it be because she sees hypocrisy in the home? My friend, if you cannot look you wife in the eye while you’re preaching and address her conscience as her pastor from the pulpit, then something is wrong. If when you are preaching and you’re coming to issues of application and in your mind you know, I can’t look at her because if I look at her in the eye she’s going to give me one of those, “um hum, I know what you’re saying” looks. Something’s wrong, I’ve got some work to do at home, or should I be doing the work that I’m doing behind the pulpit? She is part of what qualifies me to be in the ministry.

Therefore the pastor must make his marriage a priority because his marriage demonstrates whether or not he knows how to apply the gospel to his personal relationships. Who do you sin against more than your wife? Who do you sin against more than your wife? Where is the gospel more needed, more frequently, if not in your marriage? The gospel is to be a constant part of the communication of a husband and wife because I sin against my wife more than I sin against anybody else. I say things to her that I shouldn’t say, more than I say things like that to anybody else. I have a bad attitude toward her more than to anyone else, and she answers the question whether or not I, as a sinner struggling with my own remaining sin, know how to bring the gospel and apply the gospel to personal relationships. So that my people in the church can expect that when we, not if, when we sin against each other, that there is someone who can give spiritual leadership that knows how to bring the gospel to bear upon those issues of sin, who knows what it is to acknowledge his sin, and to confess his sin, and to repent of his sin, and to seek forgiveness, who knows what it is to grant forgiveness and to no longer hold the sin against the forgiven and to accomplish gospel reconciliation and gospel peace. Who’s got the skills to do that? Pastor. Can he do it? Ask his wife. Why? Because if he’s sinning anywhere, it’s against her. And she can tell you, does he know how to own his sin, how to repent? Does he know how to be forgiving? Does he know how to lead in personal relationships, to triumph over sin, and to bring gospel victory to the threat that sin brings to the fiber of our community?

The church needs to know that the man knows how to lead by the gospel. In Ephesians chapter five in verse twenty -two, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He himself being the savior of the body, but as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” The husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church. He has been given the position of responsibility and leadership, and we are not to lord it over our wives as the gentiles who take authority and make it something that’s tyrannical and manipulative. But we are to lead in Christ; we are to exercise authority not for own selfish purposes and not by forcing ourselves on others, but by giving.

We are to rule by serving; we are to rule as a savior, so that the result of our leadership is the promotion of the salvation of those whom we lead. So, Paul continues in verse twenty-five, “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the Church in all her glory having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless.” The husband’s leadership is to be an expression of gospel love, of Christ-like rule that serves. And so he is willing to sacrifice himself for his wife as Christ sacrifices for the church and he speaks to her with words that sanctify and edify and build her up and cleanse and purify, so that in verse twenty-seven, he is satisfied as he presents to himself the result of his leadership: a woman who has matured and flowered in her femininity, who has become like the bride of Christ, glorious in her beauty of godliness. And is presented to him, he is satisfied, he sacrifices, he sanctifies, and he is satisfied as he reaps the fruit in his marriage of gospel love and gospel leadership. Again, we continue, verse twenty-eight, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church, for we are members of His body.”

The husband’s love is to be life-giving because he is one flesh with his life. Her health and vigor is his health and vigor. He is to love her as he would love himself for he is one flesh with her. He is to nourish her that means to provide food for something, to promote health and well-being. He is to cherish her, that word in the original means to soften something by heating it, by keeping the relationship warm and affectionate and tenderly caring for her, gently, kindly. As Peter says, as with a weaker vessel for she is tender and frail, and his leadership should not be crushing, but it should be a nourishing leadership. Why? Because this is how Christ treats His church, He nourishes and cherishes His church. He tenderly, gently, kindly, self-sacrificially serves His church, and by doing so He leads her into holiness. Paul says now, you are to love your wives like that, Christian husband. And then he says to the church, now you are to find men who love their wives like this and recognize them as pastors.

So the pastor must make priority of his marriage because his marriage is to be a demonstration to those in the church and outside of the church of the kind of leadership that Jesus himself gives to His church. How does Jesus lead in His church? The congregation should say, the way our pastor leads in his marriage. He is giving to us a model, he is giving to us an example of the way Christ loves His church. That’s why we recognized him as a pastor, because we recognized Christ-like leadership. The way he leads his wife, that’s the way we want to be led in our church. It’s Christ-like. He understands and he applies the gospel. As he exercises spiritual leadership he is seeking to see those led prosper under his leadership, and the way he has nurtured his wife, the way she has grown under his leadership, that’s the kind of influence we desire as a people of God. We recognize the skills, the gifts, the graces for that kind of leadership; we would like this man to be our pastor. You see how it fits together?

Not only then, must the pastor care for his wife, but also he must care for his children. He must care for his children. And again, there are many things that overlap in these observations here. A man’s ability to give spiritual leadership will not only be seen in his marriage, but also in the way he exercises authority as a father. We cannot underestimate the influence a father has upon his children. Just as a husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, so too a father is to love and discipline his children the way our heavenly Father loves and disciplines us. The child will form his ideas about God from the way in which his father exercises his parental authority. A father not only provides for the child physically in giving the child food and clothing and shelter, but a father also gives spiritual leadership emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and the child learns the meaning of life from his father. The child learns values from his father, and those values are determined by the God that that father is worshipping in his life.

A child is able to pick up on the fact that even though his dad goes to church on Sunday, the thing that his dad really gets excited about and really is interested in is whether or not his baseball team is winning in the competition. He watches his dad. He sees him at church, kind of half-hearted singing through the hymns, preacher begins to preach and dad begins to close down, just waiting for, “Amen.” Then he sees his dad in front of the television set, watching his baseball team play, he’s on the edge of his seat. And he’s thinking, wow, this is important. And the little guy is made in the image of his father, and his soul is affected by what his father loves and what his father worships and what his father serves. And he grows up and becomes a “man.” What is a man? What is a man? A man is somebody who plays at going to church but is “masculine” on the sports field. Where’d you learn that? My father. That’s where he got his values.

When you look to Exodus chapter twenty, this is what the Lord taught the people of God in conjunction with the second commandment; the child will learn the meaning of life and inherit a value system that is defined and determined by the god that the father is worshipping. Exodus twenty, verse four to six, “You shall not make for yourself an idol or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on earth beneath or in the water under the earth. You shall not worship them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children on the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing loving kindness to thousands, to those who love me and keep my commandments.” You see, if a father worships the god of his own imagination, not only making false images of god, but having an imagination of God that is contrary to the revelation of God, that idolatry of what is supremely valuable, what is supremely true, that idolatry will be communicated in all kinds of ways to his image- bearing child. And that through the child to his grandchildren to the third and to the fourth generation. And that man by his worship will generate and convey to his children and his grandchildren a life view of distorted values and that will be part, God says, of His judgment on that man because of His jealousy for His own name and His own revelation of Himself.

If the father however, on the other hand, loves and obeys the true and the living God, if He keeps the covenant of God and learns to love God and love neighbor, then God says His loving kindness is promised to be visited upon his children and that he will communicate to them a value system that is defined by the true and the living God. And that they will grow to honor God’s commands and God’s laws and be encouraged like their father to embrace the God of their fathers. Now, please hear me. I’m not saying that all the children of every Christian man will be converted and saved. I’m not saying that, anymore than I am saying that all the children of unconverted men can never be saved. But I am saying that it is often the case that true religion is in fact passed on from one generation to the next within the framework of godly parenting, and that it is often the case that parenting is God’s primary means of evangelizing, and that our belief in God and the values that come to us in conjunction with our worship and service of the true God, will in fact influence our children and our grandchildren. So I hope you can see why Paul includes the man as a father in his description of who’s qualified for the ministry. Paul tells the church, look, if you want to know whether or not a man is able to influence others with true religion, see what kind of influence he has on his own children. Because it’s the very nature of religion itself, false religion or true, that is conveyed by the fathers unto their children. So, if a man can spiritually influence his children for the true God, Jesus Christ, you can expect that he can spiritually influence others for the cause of Christ as well. So, in first Timothy chapter three verse four and five, Paul tells us of the man qualified with qualifications that are seen in his ability to parent his children, he must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity, “but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?” Here Paul clearly connects the man’s leadership in the home with his leadership in the church. If he knows how to exercise authority and leadership in his home, he’ll take that same skill set and apply it in the same manner in his leadership in the church. If his leadership affects beneficiary results in the home, then the church can anticipate that that same leadership style will be beneficial in the church. So Paul says, he must be one who manages, that means to stand before, to preside, as president if you will, to lead and to guide, but to do so for the good of those who are being led, to do so as to give protection and help for the benefit of the child, to give proper order and exercise authority and maintain control of the situation so that it is for the good of those who are being led. They feel safe under the management of this leadership; things are not chaotic and out of control and people feel safe when things are well-managed. He must keep his children under control with all dignity that the child is submissive to the authority and rule of the father, the child is not like a slave who is brutalized and whipped into compliance like a beaten dog. Submission means that there is willingness to comply with authority, a willingness to follow the leader because they respect their father; they trust him, and they love him, and they want to please him. This is the kind of control, Paul says, that is dignified. I’ve seen parents, I’ve seen fathers who coral their kids in a demeaning way, humiliates the child. That’s not dignified. Our leadership is to give dignity to the child. It’s an ugly thing when children despise their father, and they do not respect him and give him abject service like a beaten slave, or when they scowl at him and scoff and roll their eyes and mock when they’re told to do something. That’s ugly; that’s not dignified. But it’s a beautiful thing to see a child want to please his or her father, to see a child take their father’s values into their hearts and make choices and begin to live in a way that meets the approval of their father. They’re learning to serve their father’s God, and that’s a beautiful thing.

When the church sees the pastor’s children giving him loving obedience, attending upon the worship services respectfully, listening to their father’s preaching ministry and being affected by it, making choices as they grow up that show that they’ve embraced their father’s values, the church is given evidence that this man is not a hypocrite in his home. He owns the consciences of his children. He’s not one thing in the pulpit and another thing in private. He’s living with integrity and consistency so as to gain the approval of the conscience of his wife and of his children, and by their lives the pastor’s wife and children tell the church, “this is a trustworthy man; this is a faithful man; this is a man who is capable of influencing your souls for your spiritual good.” The wife and the children become part of his qualifications for the ministry. In Titus chapter one and verse six, “The man is to be a husband of one wife having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion.” Now, note again that the concern that the apostle has in verse six is that he must be above reproach. The pastor is to exemplify what a mature Christian believer is. Here is a man who knows how to apply the gospel to his most intimate relationships in his family. For once again, where will sin break in to the pastor’s life if not in his relationship to his children and his children’s relationship to him? He needs to be able to lead them in the gospel and teach them to own their sin and to confess them and to press them to put their faith in Christ who died for sinners, and he also needs to go to them on those occasions when he has sinned against them and to ask them, “will you please forgive me?” So that the child learns the gospel from both sides, of the one who has sinned and the one who was sought forgiveness from. And the father teaches that. He applies the gospel. He’s above reproach.

The credibility of the gospel and the name of Christ have integrity in his home life. If the pastor is not living out his faith in his home and his family, then the people have the right to ask the question, “Does the gospel make any difference?” If it doesn’t change the man who’s in the pulpit, does it change anybody? So Paul says he’s to have children who believe. As Pastor Meadows has already taught us in our conference, we are not to understand this phrase to mean that the elder’s children are required to be true believers, true Christians. To interpret the passage that way would make the father responsible for the faith of the child as if the father of the child could bring the child to new birth and give him the gift of faith and repentance. That’s not biblical; only the Holy Spirit can give regenerating life and faith and repentance to the child. Jesus tells us that our spiritual enemies would be found as members of our own household in Matthew ten thirty-four. Christians are going to be persecuted by members of their own household in Matthew ten twenty-one. Are pastors exempt from such things? No. What Paul is telling us rather, this word “belief” can be legitimately translated as “faithful” or “trustworthy” and “reliable.” It’s used five times in the Pastoral Epistles as the faithful sayings, this is a reliable saying, this is a faithful saying. It’s used in Matthew twenty-four forty-five, of the “good and faithful slave.” It describes potential ministers in second Timothy two two, “Commend these things to faithful men.” Likewise also, the child of a pastor should have this commendable faithfulness about him. Yes, we hope that a home that is governed by the gospel would be blessed with the promise of God’s loving kindness that is given in the second commandment, and that as we parent our children, we evangelize our children, and we pray for them, that the Spirit of God would break in our evangelistic discipline and instruction to them. But brethren, I cannot make my child believe. I cannot make my child truly repent. I cannot give my child the new birth. Only God can do that. But as a Christian father, as a pastor, I’m responsible to train my child to be faithful, to be trustworthy, to be reliable. And dear brethren, even unbelievers can do that. Even unbelievers can train their children to be reliable and to be trustworthy. Even if the child does not believe, even if he eventually rejects the faith of his father and leaves the God of his father and embraces a false religion and lives a life of a rebellious prodigal, the child is at least to be respectful of the father’s authority. Even, and especially however, if the child lives in the home of the father, he may be an unbeliever, but he is yet keeping that home without reproach. He’s yet keeping that home in good order. Remember, the home cannot bring discredit to the gospel, that’s Paul’s concern. That’s why he says, the child is not to be accused, you see, not to be accused of dissipation or rebellion. Again, the issue is “be above reproach,” don’t come under accusation. May the home be a commendation of a home that has biblical integrity. Dissipation means something loose, without any ethical principle, reckless and wild. Rebellion is an insubordinate, unsubmissive, anti-authority mentality. You see faithfulness, a child who believes, is contrasted with its opposite, not unbelief, but unruliness. That’s the opposite of faithfulness. The pastor should not raise disobedient, undisciplined children. The pastor’s children should not be spoiled brats who wreck havoc in the church, who don’t respect authority, who are not disciplined and who get their own way. Now the pastor may have a strong-willed child. The pastor may have four strong-willed children, and they require stern discipline. And the child may be hard to handle. So the church asks the question, “is the pastor exercising proper biblical response to that challenge?” God has mixed up this kid in his mother’s womb, and he is a bucking bronco from the age, what? Let me think of when I first started seeing these kind of things in my son. I mean, from a very young age I can remember things from my oldest boy in his crib that deserved discipline. What do we do with that? Well, the church needs to see, if you’ve got a strong-willed kid, are you bringing proper biblical discipline to bear upon the need of that child. If he’s a difficult child, are you just standing back and abdicating and saying, “Oh, what can I do? He’s a strong-willed child.” Or are you getting in the child’s face and being all the more disciplined. Is he being obedient to the bible in the way in which he’s disciplining his child? He may have a very, very compliant child. Not every pastor has compliant children. I wish we all had compliant children. We are not all given compliant children; some of us are give real challenges. Does that disqualify us from the ministry? No. The question is, are we rising to the challenge. Are we seeking to bring biblical discipline, or do we just ignore it and excuse it and let the child get away with things because we don’t have the leadership, we don’t have the strength of manhood to confront a child. The subject of how to raise a child in biblical love and discipline is a matter that we cannot discuss, but it is a subject that a pastor is expected to know and to exemplify. The pastor must know what the bible says about training his children, and he must demonstrate to church that he has a commendable competence in being able to love and discipline those who are under his authority. So when the church sees that he is not letting that rebellious kid get away with things, then the church is encouraged because the church will know that there will be people who will come into the ranks of the church community who are going to test and try biblical authority. Is the pastor going to let them get away with that? If we get a wolf that comes into the flock and who is an intimidating personality and who is an aggressive, willful person, is the pastor going to be intimidated by that? Is he going to stand back from that? How do you know? Well, he’s got an intimidating, willful son, what’s he doing about that? Throwing up his hands and saying, “Oh, what can I do?” My kid, no, the kid is being disobedient, again? Yep. Grab him, take him, and we go in and we discipline him. I remember my wife and I one time, lying down in bed together, exhausted, my first son, I said to her, “How many times did you spank him today?” She, “how many times,” she asked me, “how many times did you spank him today?” And we rejoiced we were finally under, we were finally into single digits. Less than ten spankings, we’re making improvement. The issue is not whether or not you’ve got a bucking bronco. Personally, I’d rather have a bucking bronco because once you get a saddle on them, they can really run, you know. The issue is, are you putting the saddle on him? Are you corralling him? Are you disciplining him? That’s the concern that’s going to bear upon the reputation of the home. That’s the answer to whether the home is biblically ordered. That’s the issue as to whether the home will withstand the accusations and the slanders of those who want to bring discredit to the ministry. That’s Paul’s concern, “be above reproach; be above reproach.” That’s the priority of the pastor, his own spiritual health and the health of his wife and his children. The pastor is a Christian man, but he’s been given gifts by the spirit that enable him to influence others spiritually, to show by his example and to teach them from the Scriptures and to direct them with the servant like authority of Jesus Christ whereby he sacrifices himself in the giving of himself to lead and compels with kingdom authority others to follow him as he follows Christ. If a man has the gifts to so influence others in that way, those gifts and that leadership influence will be evidenced in his life and in his children. And when he exercises authority he will do so as an expression of the authority of Jesus Christ whereby we are authorized to love, we are authorized to love. So, you’re glad your wife’s not here today? What would your children say if you asked them, please come here and give testimony to these brethren of your leadership in the home. Would they embarrass you or would they commend you. Now, they know that you’re not a perfect man. They know you’re not a sinless man. But do they know that you’re a sincere man? Do they respect you because they know that they see you honestly struggling with your sins according to the gospel, they see you honestly bringing the gospel to bear on their sins, they see you honestly giving leadership in the home for their spiritual good, they see you as a man of integrity without hypocrisy and they respect you and they love you for it? Even though they see you at your worst, and they see you in your weakness, and they see you in your sin, yet with all, do they see you as a man of the gospel? Your wife and your children are priorities for you as a pastor. If you be a faithful servant of Christ, a faithful minister of the word, to love His sheep and direct them into green pastures as good shepherd, then first, tend to your own spiritual health and then minister the gospel to your wife and to your children, and may the spirit make you into a godly man, a true shepherd of the people of God, whose wife and children will thank you that you were called into the ministry and learned to love them and to love others with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Let’s pray: Our Father, our consciences are convicted for we all know that in many things we all offend. We know how easy it is for us to neglect the nurture of our wives, to neglect the discipline of our children. And we know how wicked we can be and make excuses for ourselves even with the ministry, and convince ourselves that we’re justified in our neglect because we’re so busy in the work of the ministry. Father, forgive us and give to us a fresh resolve. May it be that when we return to our wives and children at the end of this week, that our wives would say to us, “You seem different, what happened?” And we’ll look at them and say, “God the Holy Spirit has convinced me that I need to love you and our children with greater gospel love.” Father, give to us firm resolve to be godly men before you, before our wives and our children, and grant the answer to our prayers that indeed we might see each one of our sons and daughters in the kingdom of God, that we might with our wives know the grace and the love and the triumph of the gospel in our homes that You might be the God of our homes, the God of our children, the God of our grandchildren. Father, own your gospel by your Spirit in our marriages and in our parenting. We plead these things that we in these things might be servants of Christ, commending the ministry and ministering the Word of truth by the power of the Spirit to the consciences of men for the triumph of our glorious king and savior Jesus Christ, in whom we pray, Amen.

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