Jeff Smith

So, let’s pray, asking for God’s help for all of us as we hear His Word. Let’s seek Him in prayer.

Our great God, we do thank you for the Lord’s day. We thank you that You have given us this privilege to worship You. We thank you that You have given us this privilege to hear Your Word. We confess, Lord, that we need Your Holy Spirit to come and take Your Word, and bring it home with grace and power to each one of our minds and hearts and lives. That we would not be hearers of the Word only, but we would be hearers and doers of the Word of God. We ask, our gracious Father in Heaven, that You would give Your Spirit to all of us, from the youngest to the oldest; that we would know You speaking to each one of us. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Well, I’ve been asked here to preach some messages from the Word of God. On two previous occasions, here in North Bergen, I’ve preached messages regarding the Bible’s teaching about marriage, and your pastors believe that it would be wise and good for me to come here again, not just today, but, God willing, next Sunday, and then perhaps some other times in the near future, in order to preach some of these messages—actually all of these messages, that’s forty—but to preach messages concerning the Bible’s teaching about marriage. They’ve asked me to go back to the very beginning. This is a series that I’ve done at Trinity Baptist Church, so they asked me that I would today go to the very beginning. So that’s what I’m planning to do.

I would say to those who are here who are not married: I don’t want you to switch off your ears, switch off your mind and think this has nothing to do with you, because one day you very well may be married. Or, if you’re an older individual who has never been married and it may seem very unlikely that you will ever be married, yet you can use the Bible’s teaching concerning marriage to speak to others who are married, to exhort them appropriately.

Furthermore, when we read in our Bible’s truths that God has given us concerning widows or concerning kings or concerning slaves, we should never be saying, “Well, that doesn’t apply to me. I don’t need to listen to that. I’m not a king.” Well, yeah, you’re not a king, I’m not a king, we’re never going to be kings, but there is relevance of all the Word of God for each and every one of us. So, we need to learn from the Word of God about everything it teaches us.

Furthermore, as you all know, if you’re paying attention to the news, we’re living in a day and in a culture, in a country, when marriage is being assaulted. Marriage is being undermined. Biblical marriage is being undermined. It’s being denigrated on every hand. You probably have heard that the Supreme Court of our land has stated that this year they plan to deal with this matter of same-sex marriages. I mean, it’s an awful reality that is snowballing in our country, and we need to be reinforced by the Bible’s teaching about what is a marriage.

What does God say of marriages? So, we need this teaching. We need to understand the Bible’s teaching. We need to proclaim the Bible’s teaching, and we need to implement the Bible’s teaching in our own lives, as husbands and wives, all to the praise of God’s glory and grace. I live out what I am speaking. That’s a true statement, but it’s all do to the grace of God. Left to myself, I would be a wretched sinner. Left to myself, I would have a rotten marriage. You see, none of you here who are married, you don’t have to have a rotten marriage. You don’t have to have a disappointing marriage. By the grace of God, you can have a wonderful marriage, and such marriages glorify God. Isn’t that our desire? That all of our marriages would show forth the glory of the grace of the Living God. That’s what we long for.

So, that’s just some brief comments here, as we begin, but, before I get to the meat, the substance of messages, before I really get into this series, I want to deal today with some very important and necessary introductory matters.

Now, my father was a house painter. I learned that trade from my father when I was growing up in junior high, high school, and then through my university days. I would work for my father at break time and summertime as a painter. My dad always stressed the absolute necessity, the importance of prep work prior to painting. I’ve used this illustration in other settings. I’m always amused when I go into people’s homes and they tell me they’ve painted their living room and I look at it and I say, “Yeah, I can tell you’ve painted it.” Many people think painting a kitchen, painting a bathroom, painting outside their house, all they have to do is go to Home Depot, get the paint, get a brush, and they just slop it on.

If you want to do an excellent job of painting your kitchen or your house, if you want it to look good, if you want it to last, you have to do the important and necessary prep work. That means sometimes you have to scrape peeling paint off. That means you have to wash the walls with trisodium phosphate and bleach to kill the mold, because if you don’t do that, the mold will cause the paint to peel off eventually, within probably six months or so. So, you have to do all of that prep work prior to painting. If you do that prep work, you won’t be disappointed with your paint job. So, preparation is necessary and important to accomplish a successful job, and we need to do some necessary, important prep work, prior to getting to the meat of our subject about marriage.

I’m going to begin by saying to you all that I have certain presuppositions—and I’m going to explain that big word in a moment, probably most of you know it—but I have certain presuppositions when I come to my Bible and when I teach and preach on any topic, including marriage. I would like you to have these presuppositions, if you don’t already. I would think the majority of you do have these presuppositions, but we need to look at them once again.

What is a presupposition? It is something that is understood and assumed beforehand, at the beginning of a line of argument. You must understand these presuppositions that I have, as we continue in this study of the Bible’s teaching regarding marriage. Furthermore, as I’ve already said, I want you to make my presuppositions, which I believe are sound and biblical, your presuppositions, if they are not already.

So, number one—this is prep work, important prep work—number one, the first presupposition is this: the Bible is the Word of God. That’s not novel, I don’t want it to be novel. That may not seem very profound, you may be sitting there saying, “Well, you know, I’m coming to church to hear a pastor from Trinity say ‘The Bible is the Word of God’?” But the truth is, even real Christians act like the Bible isn’t the Word of God! Because they read some passage in the Bible about how they are to behave as a husband, and they don’t think it really applies to them, and they act like the Bible really isn’t the Word of God! Well, if it’s the Word of God, if the Living God has spoken—which He has in the Bible—if the God of the universe, your God, your Creator, has spoken, don’t you think you ought to pay attention to what He is saying? Don’t you think you shouldn’t dismiss it, but should apply it in every area of life?

You see, sometimes we say one thing, but we do another thing. The Bible is the Word of God, and if you do not believe the Bible is the Word of God, you’ll not listen to what I have to say. I believe the Bible is the Word of God, I believe that wholeheartedly. I believe it without any reservations whatsoever. So, when we look at what the Bible has to say about marriage, we need to remember: it is God’s Word.

Turn in your Bibles to 2 Timothy 3:16. If you don’t have this Scripture memorized, you should memorize it. “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.” Probably you know this, but I’m not bothered if you know this or not. I’m reminding you of this. The Greek word used in this verse is the word theopneustos. It literally means “God-breathed.” The Scripture is God-breathed. It’s not that God breathed into the Scriptures. It’s not that God breathed into the human authors of the Scriptures, but the Scripture is breathed out by God Himself. The Scriptures are God-breathed. We breathe in, we breathe out. The Scriptures are the outbreathing of God Himself. That’s the point of this verse. All Scripture—Old Testament and New Testament—all Scripture is breathed out by God. It is God’s Word. That is our first presupposition.

Our second is: because the Bible is the Word of God, the Bible is timeless, and therefore, transcultural. The Bible, because it’s the Word of God, is timeless, and therefore transcultural. Well, what do I mean by that, that it’s timeless? It is eternal, it is unchanging. In Matthew 24:35—you don’t need to turn there, you can if you want—but Jesus said, “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but My words shall not pass away.” The Word of God is timeless, it is never out of date. It is also transcultural. The Bible is relevant for all cultures, at all times, whether in the past or the present or the future; whether American or Asian or African or Hispanic. The Bible is never irrelevant to the modern American, whether young or old. It is never irrelevant to the Hispanic living in America. It’s not irrelevant to anybody, whether church or non church, educated or uneducated, cultured or uncultured.

The Bible is timeless; it is transcultural. That’s why Jesus could say to His apostles in Matthew 28 in the Great Commission, “Go and make disciples of all the nations.” You see, the Bible is perfectly timeless and relevant to people who live in the Amazon jungle, as well as the jungle of New York City. Otherwise, why did Jesus say, “Go out unto all the nations; preach the Gospel unto all the nations”? Why did He say that?

Third presupposition: because the Bible is the Word of God, the Bible is infallible and inerrant. It is an infallible, inerrant guide in all matters of life and faith. So, what do I mean by the term “infallible”? The Bible is incapable of teaching falsehood or error of any kind whatsoever. What do I mean by the term “inerrant”? The word inerrant sometimes is used interchangeably with infallible, but it is used to emphasize the fact that the Bible is without any error. Therefore, it is entirely trustworthy in every one of its sentences, statements, in everything it says.

You can go to a university and read a science textbook, a biology textbook—and this is a reality, by the way, I have a university degree in biology—you can read a modern biology textbook at the university level, and if you compare it with another biology textbook of, let’s just say, even five years ago, you will find that there are things that have been changed. Not only because they learn new things as they do research in the realm of biology, but they realize that they also misrepresented things in the past, because they didn’t have complete knowledge and understanding of certain things in science. So, they stated five years ago ABC, but now they’ve learned XYZ and they realize that ABC, that they stated as truth, is actually false. I’m not making this up; but the Bible is not like that.

The Bible is God’s Word. The Bible is infallible. The Bible has no errors. You will meet skeptical professors, at university, who look down their noses at the Bible. If you say “I’m a Christian and I believe the Bible is the Word of God” they will scorn and mock in their arrogance and pride. Some of them will say, “Well, you know, archeology has proven this about the Bible. It’s not really true. Da da da da.” Usually they don’t know what they’re talking about. So, you who are in university, don’t assume that your university professors, just because they have a PhD after their names, that they know everything that they’re talking about, even in their particular subject area. Let alone when they start pontificating about the Bible. No. The Bible is God’s Word, it is infallible; it is inerrant.

Turn to 1 Thessalonians 2:13, “For this cause we also thank God without ceasing that when you recieved from us the word of the message, even the word of God, you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which also works in you that believe.” You see how the Apostle Paul, he was not apologetic that the Bible is the word of God, and these Thessalonians, they heard not just the message of men. Indeed, as he says, “It is in truth the word of God.” That’s what they heard. So when we look at the Bible to see what it says about marriage, we’re looking at God’s Word: infallible, inerrant.

Now, a fourth presupposition: because the Bible is the Word of God, the Bible is sufficient for all matters of life and faith. It’s not only infallible and inerrant, it is sufficient for all matters of life and faith. So what do I mean by that phrase or that word “sufficient”? The Scriptures are perfect and complete. They are “able to achieve the purposes of redemptive revelation individually, corporately, and in the entire ethical sphere of life.” That’s actually a quote from an author. The Bible is perfect and complete. In other words, we do not need new revelations from God. This is where Pentecostals, Charismatics, and other such folks are wrong.

We do not need new revelations from God. The Bible is complete; it is sufficient. Neither do we shelve our Bibles and open up the latest psychology magazine; or go to Barnes and Nobles or some bookstore, and pull off the bookshelf some so-called expert’s view on how we should have a happy marriage. I’m not talking about legitimate, Christian books that deal with marriage. Pastor Alan Dunn has written two excellent books on Christian marriage. I’m not talking about his books or another Christian author who is sound in the Scriptures. What I’m saying is: we need the Bible first and foremost, and you definitely do not need new revelation. There is no such thing as new revelation.

You certainly don’t need pop-psychology from Americans. You certainly don’t need to be turning on the television and watching some of these Hispanic shows where—these talk shows, they’ve got them in English, they’ve got them in Spanish—where these people are talking about all sorts of garbage and things that are unedifying about marriage.

In 2 Timothy 3:16-17, we are told that not only is Scripture breathed out by God, but it is given so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. The Bible has been given to us by God so that the man of God—that is, the pastor—that he may be complete for every good work, but, by extrapolation, the Bible is given to you, the people of God, that you too may be complete. It has been given to you so that you can be equipped to do all that God calls you to do on earth, including how to live a godly life as a husband and as a wife. The Lord Jesus taught that the Bible is sufficient, indeed, for all of life, and He taught this in a variety of ways. There is one particular passage where I would like you to see this.

Turn to Luke 16. I’m going to begin reading at verse 29, but before I do that, you’ll probably recognize this passage. This is the account of the rich man and Lazarus. The rich man dies; Lazarus dies; Lazarus goes to Heaven; the rich man goes to Hell. The rich man in Hell, in this parable that Jesus gives, asks Father Abraham for mercy and asks Father Abraham that someone would be sent back to his brothers who live on earth, that they would not go to Hell, where he is. Luke 16:29, “But Abraham said, ‘They’—referring to this man’s brothers on earth—‘they have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.’ And he”—the man in Hell—“said, ‘No, Father Abraham, but if one go to them from the dead, they will repent!’ And he said unto him, ‘If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if one rise from the dead.’”

You see, Jesus said what is relevant for life is the Word of God. You don’t need miracles. I don’t need miracles. What we need is the Word of God, and we need to hear it; we need to believe it; we need to obey it. That is what we need for life. It is complete. The Bible is sufficient in its teachings about everything, including its teachings about marriage. It is to be your ultimate authority. I do not mean by that that you should disregard whatever your pastors say to you in a counseling session. That’s a wrong way of looking at your pastors.

Your faithful pastors are going to take the Word of God and apply it to you in very specific ways. They’re going to take the principles of the Word of God and apply it to you as a husband, apply it to you as a wife, apply it to you in other areas of life. You are to listen to your pastors, but if your pastors ever told you something publicly or privately, that clearly contradicted clear teaching of the Bible, your ultimately authority is God and His Word. They would agree with what I just said. By God’s grace they’re not going to tell you something that contradicts the Bible, but you need to think that way. “What matters to me in my marriage—as a husband, as a wife—what matters in the family—as a father, as a mother—is what God says. He’s my ultimate authority here in His Word.”

A fifth presupposition in all study of the Bible concerning marriage: Genesis is history. These are all interrelated. Genesis is history. It is the Word of God. It is accurate, factual history. It is not fiction. It is not myth. It is not just nice stories to teach us a moral lesson, and the Lord Jesus Christ affirmed that reality without any hesitation, without any apology, without any embarrassment, and without any qualifications. It is crucial that as we study marriage and as we approach Genesis, as we read portions of Genesis related to marriage, that we remember that the Lord Jesus Christ viewed Genesis as history, because in Genesis we learn of God’s design and God’s purpose for man and woman, for husbands and wives. It is also in Genesis that we learn the devastating impact of sin upon husbands, wives, and marriages.

Turn to Matthew 19. Matthew 19, beginning at verse 3. “And there came unto Him Pharisees, trying Him, and saying, “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?” And He, Jesus, answered and said, “Have you not read that He who made them from the beginning ‘made them male and female’? And said, ‘For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”

Turn to Mark 13. Jesus is speaking about the events leading up to the end of the age, the end of the world. In Mark 13:19 He says, “For those days shall be tribulation such as there has not been the like from the beginning of the Creation which God created until now, and never shall be.” So, you see, just from these two passages alone—and there are many other passages—you see that the Lord Jesus Christ regarded Genesis as factual history.

Evolution is false. There is such a thing, in the realm of biology, called microevolution. I’m not going to go into that in this sermon, but I think it’s kind of misnamed. That can be true, but it’s not really evolution. It’s something different; but evolution, as is taught in so many places in our world today, is totally false. When you’re at the university, and you say that to one of your professors, including a science professor, PhD, you don’t need to be embarrassed. You don’t need to be sort of sheepish. “Well, I don’t really believe in evolution. It’s okay you do.” It’s not okay that they do!

Jesus, who is the Son of God, who is alive forevermore, seated in Heaven at the right hand of God the Father, He makes it very plain that God created man and woman. He makes it very plain that there’s no evolution. He makes it very plain that He created man for this purpose and woman for this purpose. There’s no embarrassment, and you shouldn’t be embarrassed either. You don’t need to be worried about their arguments and all of the nonsense they come up with. They come up with a lot of nonsense, and if you want to read some good, Christian scientists on that topic and have some good arguments back to them, fine. But if you don’t want to do that and don’t have the time, you just simply say, “I’m sorry, you’re wrong.” Now, I’ve done this. “I’m sorry, you’re wrong.”

You know, when these professors and these scientists and these unbelieving people encounter a Christian who is firm in his or her convictions, and speaks it clearly and boldly, without embarrassment, they’re often really surprised. Because they’re used to hearing, “Oh, maybe you’re right. Oh, I haven’t thought of that.” The Bible is the Word of God.

So, moving on to our sixth presupposition. In a congregation like this I’m sure there are some marriages, sadly, where there are problems. Pastor Piñero has not told me there are; Pastor Martinez has not told me there are, but I wasn’t born yesterday. And probably there are some marriages here where there are some problems. So, I say to you, one of my presuppositions when I deal with such matters is: your marital problems are not unique. They’re not. Over the years in pastoral situations with husbands and wives, I’ve heard statements like this, “Pastor Smith, you do not understand. You have not experiences what I have experienced. How could you understand? My problems are different. I’ve heard things like this, “Pastor Smith, those Scriptures apply to other people, but not to me, because my problems in my marriage are unique.” That’s just a lie. That’s self-deception if you believe that. Your marital problems are not unique.

Turn to 1 Corinthians 10:13. “No temptation has overtaken you, except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are abailed, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape. That you may be able to bear it.” You see what Paul is saying? “No temptation has overtaken but such as is common to man.” Whatever your temptations are, whatever your problems are, whatever your difficulties are in life or in marriage, they’re common to all men. You may have circumstances that are different from somebody else’s circumstances, but at the root, your marital difficulties, whatever they may be, are not unique.

You see, when people want to believe that their problems are unique, what they actually end up doing is that they start to say, “Well, you know, that Scripture passage, it doesn’t apply to me, because, you see, my problems are unique.” I’ve heard this. So, you shouldn’t think that way or speak that way. You shouldn’t have it in your heart. Your circumstances may be difficult and different from somebody else’s, but your marital problems are not unique.

A seventh presupposition: the grace of God is absolutely essential if you are to be a godly, Christian husband or a godly, Christian wife, and enjoy the blessedness of marriage. So, what do I mean by that? Grace is the undeserved favor and love of God shown to helpless, hell-deserving sinners, who trust in the Lord Jesus Christ alone for the forgiveness of their sins. Grace is the undeserved favor and love of God shown to helpless, hell-deserving sinners, and you must have the grace of God in your heart and life and marriage if you’re going to have a truly blessed marriage. I didn’t say a marriage without difficulties or without struggles, but a truly blessed marriage. We are still sinners when God saves us. We have remaining sin, but to experience the grace of God, you must be born again. The Bible’s teaching on this is plain and abundant. That since the disobedience and sin of Adam, all men are born physically alive, but spiritually dead, with the exception of the Lord Jesus Christ.

In Ephesians 2 we’re told that God makes us alive, we who were dead in tresspasses and sins. Because of this spiritual deadness, if any individual is to experience God’s favor and love, God must first act. God must give spiritual life. God must cause you. God must make you to be born again. God gives spiritual life by graciously regenerating the spiritually dead sinner by the power of His Holy Spirit, as that sinner hears and receives and believes the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Turn to John 3, please, just to underscore this reality. I’m sure you’re all familiar with this passage in John 3, with Jesus interacting with a Pharisee named Nicodemus. In John 3:5 we read, “Jesus answered,” speaking to Nicodemus, “‘Truly, truly, I say unto you, except one be born of water and the Spirit he cannot enter into the Kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is Spirit. Do not marvel that I said unto you, ‘You must be born again.’’” There’s the plain teaching of Jesus in this passage. So, if you would experience the grace of God, you must be born again by the Spirit of God. The change which the Lord is declaring here is needful not only to salvation, but needful to any transformation of life.

Basically, what Jesus is saying is there must be this new creation, a passing from death to life. There must be an implanting in the heart, this new principle from above. There must be a calling into existence of a new creation, someone with a new nature, new habits of life, new tastes, new desires, new appetites, new judgements, new opinions, new hopes. Everything is new! If you are not born again, you can never be a godly, Christian husband or a godly, Christian wife. I am not saying that you can’t have a decent marriage, but if you would have a Christian marriage and be a godly husband, a godly wife, you must be born again to experience the grace of God!

Could it be—if you have serious marital problems—could it be that this is the root problem? So, if you have serious marriage problems, I ask you, could it be that the problem is that you’re not born again? If you refuse to obey the Word of God in your marriage, how do you justify that, as a Christian? It’s God’s Word, you see. Presuppositions, it’s God’s Word. You’re really not just rebelling against your husband, if it’s that I’m speaking to a wife right now. You’re not rebelling against just your husband. You’re rebelling against God! You’re saying, “I don’t want to do what God tells me to do!” Well, no wonder there’s problems in your marriage. You don’t have the grace of God. You’re not born again.

Or you’re a husband and you say, “Well, you know, she just irritates me and she is this and she is that and she’s unsubmissive too. You know, I am right not to love her. She just drives me crazy,” and everything is nasty, negative comments about your wife. Very little about loving your wife. “She’s this and she’s not that and I don’t like this and—” negative, negative, negative, negative. Everything is negative, and it’s all the wife’s fault! You don’t have any fault, Mr. Husband. Sadly, in some cases, “No, I don’t. It’s her fault. If she changed I would be different.” Nonsense! Nonsense! A lie! You do what God commands you to do Mr. Husband! You don’t wait till your wife changes. You do what God commands you to do! Maybe you’re not born again. Such nasty, negative, unloving, rebellious attitudes, words, and behavior! Are you, Mr. Husband, born again?

Well, with regards to the grace of God, not only must you be born again, husband and wife—and if you’re not born again, by the way, before I move on, it’s not hopeless. It’s hopeless if you stay in your sin, but it doesn’t have to be hopeless. That’s why God sent Jesus Christ into this world: to save, to rescue, to change, to transform, to forgive, to cleanse, to sanctify helpless, hopeless, sinful sinners. So, you should—if you think, “Maybe I’m not born again,” whether you’re the husband or the wife—get alone with God and start crying out from the heart. Say “Lord, I don’t know whether I am truly saved or not, but I see lots of things in my heart and life that would make me say maybe I’m not converted, maybe I’m self-deceived. Lord, whatever the case is, save me from my sins. I don’t wait until I’m better; I’m coming with all of my helplessness and sin. Lord, have mercy upon me, the sinner.” That’s what you are to do.

You must, husband and wife, with regards to the grace of God, continually trust in Christ. As a Christian husband, a Christian wife, you must continually trust in Christ for His grace and His power to enable you to be a godly, Christian husband or wife. God’s grace is not simply operative at the beginning of our salvation. God’s grace is to be continually in our lives. It is to be continually efficacious, that is, it is to effect and accomplish the purpose for which it is given by God to the Christian. That purpose of God’s grace is to perfect you, to change you, to conform you to the will of God revealed in the Word of God.

Turn in your Bibles to 1 Corinthians 15:10. Paul the Apostle wrote these words. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace which was bestowed upon me was not found in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.” You see, in this verse, Paul is stating that divine grace made him what he was as a Christian man. God’s grace was not in vain, that is, it was not without any effect in the heart and life of Paul. But notice that the grace of God working in the life of a Christian does not make the Christian passive. No. The Christian, like Paul, labors more abundantly. Though that is totally true, notice from this very verse that the Christian, like Paul, will see that the root and cause of all sanctification continues to be the grace of God, the undeserved favor of God. Because Paul wrote, “Yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.”

So, if you would be a godly, Christian husband, or a godly, Christian wife, you need the grace of God to empower you to be such every single day. You must also labor as though it all depended upon you, but then you cry out to God, knowing it all depends upon God in Christ. Then you continue to labor, you pray, you study the Word of God, you do all that God commands you to do, and at the end of the day you will acknowledge, as Paul, that it really is totally all of God’s grace.

You know, sometimes we say, “Well, I need the grace of God,” and we say it, not flippantly, but we just say it and we don’t really think about what we’re saying. We need to say, “I do, as a husband, I do need this reality, this spiritual reality. I must have God’s grace working in me, changing me, but I’m not going to sit back and do nothing. I’m going to labor on in prayer, labor on in the Word, labor on in dealing with my own heart’s sins, labor on in doing what God tells me to do in this area of life and in my marriage, in my family. All the while knowing God must work, so I pray all the more. Lord, work. I need that reality, that supernatural, spiritual reality of Your grace working in me and through me.”

So, could it be, if you have marital problems, that you are born again? You are born again, husband and wife, you’re both born again. Even your pastors say, “You’ve got marriage problems, but we believe you’re converted.” But could this be the problem: you are being passive? You are not crying out to God for His grace to work powerfully in your heart, life, and marriage. You’re expecting something to happen without you crying out to God for His grace. You’re not laboring to change. You’re a husband who gets angry frequently. You get angry with your wife, sinfully, frequently, and you’re not asking God for grace, to help you to kill that sin of murder. Probably you’re not calling it murder. That’s what you need to do. “Lord, give me the grace, Your power, Your Spirit. That I would, with the Sword of the Spirit, kill my sinful, murderous heart in the way I speak to my wife.”

You’re passive. You’re not crying out to God. You’re not repenting. You’re not putting off and putting on. Then you say, “Ah, I’m so discouraged, because nothing’s changing. God’s not changing me.” You need the grace of God, and you need to be crying out for that grace.

Turn in your Bibles to Hebrews 13, beginning at verse 20. Here we have what is called a benediction, and it’s rightly called that, but it actually is more than just a simple benediction. So let me first read these verses. Hebrews 13:20, “Now the God of peace, who brought again from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep with the blood of an eternal covenant, even our Lord Jesus, make you perfect in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is well-pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen.”

You see, the writer is stating that God will use the same power that raised Christ from the dead in order to enable His covenant people washed in the blood of Christ, to do the will of God! So, what is the will of God for you, as a husband? You are to love your wife as Christ loves the church. You have been washed in the blood of Christ, if you are a genuine Christian, in order to do the will of God: to love your wife as Christ loves the church. Here in these verses, God will make you complete in every good work, not just some, to accomplish His will. He will work in you that which is well-pleasing in His sight.

What is, again, the will of God for you, as a husband? It is to not only love your wife as Christ loves the church, but it is to dwell with your wife according to knowledge. It is to not be bitter towards your wife. It is to nurture her in the love of Christ. You see, the resurrected, living Jesus Christ, who washed you already in His blood, will give you the grace so that you will do what is well-pleasing in His sight in your marriage. It is not a hopeless, futile task to live a godly life as a husband or wife.

The glory of the Lord Jesus Christ is at stake. God will, therefore, work in your heart and life and marriage, so that you will, indeed, have a godly marriage; because God’s glory is at stake and God is going to do what is necessary in your heart and life and marriage as Christians, so that His glory will not be sullied or besmirched. So, therefore, there is hope for you. There is great hope for you—as a husband, as a wife—if you trust in Christ and His power.

These are all of the presuppositions that you must have as you consider the Bible’s teaching regarding marriage. Now, I would like to close with an illustration.

The National Gallery of Art in Washington D.C has portraits of presidents. A portrait of President Washington, a portrait of President John Adams, a portrait of Thomas Jefferson etc., all of the portraits of presidents. George Washington does not look like John Adams. John Adams does not look like Thomas Jefferson; by ignorance here, the fourth president. They’re all different, but they were all presidents and in their own, unique way they manifested what it was to be a president. I’m not saying they were all equally good presidents, but, you see, each one was different. Their portraits are different, but they were all presidents, and they all manifested in their lives various things about what it is to be a president.

Well, the Lord Jesus Christ has His own portrait gallery, and it’s you as a husband and wife; Christian husband, Christian wife. Just imagine for a moment a great gallery. It’s the Lord Jesus Christ gallery, and there on the wall is a portrait of Pastor Piñero and Mrs. Piñero, Pastor Martinez and Mrs. Martinez, Carlos and Sara. I wish I knew all of your names, but portrait, portrait, portrait. Pastor Piñero does not look like Pastor Martinez. Now, I don’t just mean outwardly. They’re both godly husbands, but they’re not cookie-cutter identical. You see, each of those portraits of godly marriages in the gallery of King Jesus are meant to show forth the excellencies of King Jesus in their marriages. Every true, Christian marriage does that; and that gallery of godly, Christian marriages, King Jesus Gallery, is actually open to the public. No one has to pay an admission fee. It’s actually an open gallery, as it were. Not a long hallway, but an open gallery for all the world to see.

When you start to think that way, that not only is humbling, it’s encouraging. It motivates you, as a husband and as a wife, to say, “I do want to deal with my sins in my marriage. I do want to be more like Christ as a husband in the way I speak to my wife, what I say to her, what I don’t say to her, the tones I use, the way I treat her in private, the way I treat her in public, the way I show affection to her, the way we work together as husband and wife. I want the onlooking public to not only see Jeff and Julie Smith, but to see the grace of God in Jeff and Julie Smith; to see King Jesus in Jeff and Julie Smith.” That motivates me, and it should motivate you, if you’re a Christian, because the Bible teaches us that the husband-wife relationship is, indeed, a portrait, a picture of Christ’s relationship to the church.

So, husbands and wives, make it your aim, in this year of 2015, that you will labor and endeavor to know the grace of God working in your hearts, your lives, your marriages. That your portrait will, indeed, bring glory to Jesus Christ and cause others around you who are unconverted to say, “Why are you so happy in your marriage?”

I said I was closing, but I have another little illustration tied into this. I’m not saying that everyone who’s married has to do what I do, but I like to kiss my wife. Now, if you’re a Christian husband, hopefully you like to kiss your wife too. I do not make it a show. I don’t try to do something inappropriate, but my wife and I have three visitors in our home for three weeks right now, and they’re from a Reformed Baptist Church in China that I’ve been to. Yesterday they were in the kitchen, and I came in, went up to my wife, and kissed her for no reason. I just kissed her. I, actually, wasn’t thinking of the fact that they were there in the kitchen. I wasn’t trying to show off. I wasn’t trying to impress them. That’s just what I do. If they weren’t there I would’ve done that. I would’ve come into the kitchen, went up to her, smiled and kissed her. She thought I was going to speak to her, and she said, “Oh, I thought you were going to speak to me!” So, the Chinese people said, “We think this is so wonderful. This is so amazing, the way you do this. We don’t do that in China.” Again, it was totally natural. I wasn’t trying to impress them or show them anything, but I thought they were positively affected. You see, I said to them then, “Well, this is what you should do. You should show love to your wife, not just with words, but, you know, actions.” And I said, “I didn’t kiss her for any reason except for that I love her.”

The onlooking world sees these things, you see, and then you have opportunity to speak about Jesus Christ. I am this way because I am a Christian, born again by the Spirit of God. That’s who I am. That’s how I live. That’s why I do what I do. That’s what you can do as husbands and wives. The whole point is to bring glory to God and the Lord Jesus Christ. Well, may God help us in this year, indeed, to show forth the glories of Christ in our marriages. So, let’s close in prayer.

Our gracious God in Heaven, we pray that all of these basic, foundational truths, these presuppositions, would be reinforced in all of our hearts and minds and lives. That our marriages would be transformed by Your grace, and that Christ, indeed, would receive glory and praise. We pray that we would have opportunities to speak to people around us as to what Christ has done for us in our hearts, in our lives, pardoning all our sin, cleansing us in His blood, changing us into those who love one another and husbands who love their wives and wives who love their husbands. Lord, use the people of God in this very congregation to spread forth the gospel of Jesus Christ in this way, in their neighborhoods, in their workplaces. Lord, do such a mighty work. We pray for the glory of Jesus Christ. Amen.