{"id":723,"date":"2015-09-02T14:48:32","date_gmt":"2015-09-02T14:48:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/?p=723"},"modified":"2017-02-21T14:03:17","modified_gmt":"2017-02-21T14:03:17","slug":"biblical-marriage-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/biblical-marriage-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Biblical Marriage Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"pastor-jeff-smith\"<\/a>Jeff Smith<\/strong><\/p>\n

The very truths that I will preach about apply in many ways to those who are not married also. Let\u2019s pray.<\/p>\n

Lord, our God, we pray asking for the presence of Your Holy Spirit. That He would take Your truth and the principles of Your truth and apply them to every single heart, every life from the youngest to the oldest, whether married or not. We cry to You, that You would do this for Your glory, for the exaltation of Jesus Christ, and for the good of own souls and marriages. We ask these mercies in Jesus\u2019 name. Amen.<\/em><\/p>\n

In previous messages I started with some presuppositions that we must have. I would like to remind you of two.
\n
\nPRESUPPOSTIONS:<\/p>\n

1. The Bible is the Word of God. <\/strong><\/p>\n

From start to finish, from Genesis to Revelation, the Bible is the Word of God. <\/p>\n

2. Obedience to the Word of God is absolutely essential if you are to be a godly Christian husband or wife.<\/strong><\/p>\n

No obedience\u2014then you\u2019re not going to have a godly life, and you will not have a godly marriage. <\/p>\n

DEFINITIONS ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE<\/p>\n

If I talk about the word \u2018sin,\u2019 as an example, and you are thinking one thing and I am thinking something different, then we\u2019re not going to come necessarily to the same conclusions. We have to look to the Bible for our definitions, not modern psychology, not American psychology, not American culture. In addition to embracing these presuppositions in our study of the Bible\u2019s teaching regarding marriage, we must insure that we understand the Bible\u2019s definition of some crucial terms that we will use in our study.<\/p>\n

Definition #1: SIN<\/strong><\/p>\n

1) How does the Bible define sin? <\/p>\n

1 John 3:4, \u201cSin is lawlessness.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sin is defined with reference to law; specifically God\u2019s moral Law.<\/p>\n

God\u2019s moral law is clearly summarized in the Ten Commandments; and the Ten Commandments are further summarized in the command of the Lord Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n

Deuteronomy 6:5, \u201cYou shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.\u201d Notice that God commands you to love. The idea that love is just an emotion that cannot be controlled is false. Love is a lot more than emotion. True love does involve the affections, the heart, the emotions, but God commands us to love God Himself, and the second is that you are to love your neighbor as yourself. This is a moral issue. If you do not love God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength, you are sinning. If you do not love your neighbor as yourself, you are sinning. If you do not love your wife, you are sinning. It\u2019s a moral issue. We need to see that from the Bible. <\/p>\n

How does the Bible define sin? Sin is lawlessness. We need to remember that as we consider how to be godly in our marriages. <\/p>\n

2) According to the Bible, what is the immediate source of your sin?<\/p>\n

Matthew 15:18\u201320, “But the things which proceed out of the mouth come forth out of the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart come forth evil thoughts: murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies; these are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.”<\/p>\n

Jesus is dealing with the reality of the heart and sin. What is He saying here? What is the immediate source of your sin? It is your heart. That\u2019s what He says in verses 18 and 19. Of the heart these sinful realities come forth. According to the Bible, the heart is the seat not only of your thinking, but it\u2019s the seat of your will and your emotions. It\u2019s what makes you, you. <\/p>\n

The Lord specifies violations of the moral law of God. He points out violations of the 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th commandments. <\/p>\n

Lesson:<\/strong><\/p>\n

You are responsible for your sins: what you do, what you do not do; what you say, what you do not say. When you sin, your sins come out of your heart. Now, that\u2019s a big problem in America. People don\u2019t want to be responsible for their actions. They don\u2019t want to be responsible, especially for their bad actions. But Jesus says you need to understand that when you sin it\u2019s coming forth out of your heart. You do what you do because you chose to do it. You don\u2019t do certain things because you chose to not do certain things. <\/p>\n

Every husband and wife must come to grips with this basic, foundational, biblical reality. Your marital sins, whatever they may be, issue forth from your heart! Don\u2019t blame your kids. Don\u2019t blame society. Don\u2019t blame your boss at work.<\/p>\n

For example, you come home from work. You had a rotten day at work, and now you\u2019re upset with your wife because something is not quite right in the home. You get upset and sin with your tongue. Then you want to think, \u201cWell, it\u2019s because I had such a rotten day.\u201d No. No. No. You sinned because of your heart! Don\u2019t blame other circumstances, other people. Don\u2019t say, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t be this way if my wife acted differently. She is a little touchy, a little hypersensitive. If she hadn\u2019t been that way, I wouldn\u2019t have responded the way I responded!\u201d <\/p>\n

That is absolutely wrong to speak that way. It\u2019s wrong to think that way. You sinned because you sinned from your heart. It came forth out of your heart! Your wife may have also sinned. I\u2019m not denying that, but don\u2019t justify your sinful behavior because your wife sinned. Don\u2019t justify your sinful behavior, wife, because your husband sinned. See the root of your sin: it is your heart. If you\u2019re a Christian, it\u2019s not reigning sin, it\u2019s remaining sin, but it is your sin. <\/p>\n

We need to understand that that\u2019s what the Bible teaches. You will not have a happy, joyous marriage, you will not make progress in grace, if you are not owning responsibility for your real sin coming forth out of your heart in your marriage.<\/p>\n

Definition #2: CONFESSION OF SIN<\/strong><\/p>\n

1 John 1:9, \u201cIf we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.\u201d<\/p>\n

This is another reality that needs to be understood from the Bible if we are to have good, healthy, happy marriages, as Christians.<\/p>\n

What does the Apostle John mean when he tells us that we are to confess our sins? Biblically speaking, to confess your sins means to speak the same words as God with reference to your sins. It means you will have the same judgment as God concerning your sins. It means you will own your sins, your guilt, your responsibility to God, in a sincere, transparent, and comprehensive confession to God; and as we will see, when necessary, to other human beings, like your spouse.<\/p>\n

Genuine confession of sin is not an expression of an opinion that is actually contrary to truth and reality. If you\u2019re just giving your opinion about something, that\u2019s not confession of sin. <\/p>\n

Genuine confession of sin does not include blame-shifting, rationalization, minimizing of your sin, self-justification. Confession of sin is not going to the Roman-Catholic priest and saying certain things. You have to get all of those wrong ideas out of your mind. It is agreeing with God 100%. <\/p>\n

You see, that\u2019s a big problem in America also, and no doubt our world. In America, it\u2019s very clear that people think you can take a man and a woman, live together, not married, fornicate, and that\u2019s okay. No. That is not okay! If you\u2019re guilty of that sin of fornication, you must call it what God calls it. He calls it \u2018sin, uncleanness, immorality, ungodliness,\u2019 and that is what you are to call it, as well, and confess it as such. <\/p>\n

Psalm 51:4, \u201cAgainst You, You only, have I sinned, and done that which is evil in Your sight; that You may be justified when You speak, and be clear when You judge.\u201d<\/p>\n

As you know, Psalm 51 was written by King David after Nathan the prophet had confronted him about his sins: his sin of adultery with Bathsheba, his sin of murdering Bathsheba\u2019s husband Uriah. <\/p>\n

Notice how David confessed his sin, \u201cAgainst You, You only, have I sinned.\u201d For David, when he came to that place of confession of sin, it was like there were only two individuals in the entire universe. No one else on earth mattered to David at that point in time. David was fully conscious of the fact that God, the living God, saw all the sin that he did. David understood that he had sinned against Bathsheba, but at this point his concern is to confess the fact that he sinned first and foremost against God. <\/p>\n

Notice what he calls his sin. He says, \u201cI have done that which is evil in Your sight.\u201d When you sin, as a husband against your wife, by the way you treat her sinfully, by the way you speak to her sinfully, by neglecting her sinfully, however you sin against her, you must understand that first of all you\u2019re sinning against God, and you must understand that what you\u2019re doing is evil. It\u2019s not okay. It\u2019s not justifiable. You need to see it and feel it as God sees it and God feels it: as evil. That\u2019s what David did here. He saw and he felt and he confessed the reality that what he had done was truly evil in the sight of God. <\/p>\n

Do you see your sin, Mr. Husband? Do you see your sin against your wife as really evil? Or do you just think, \u201cOh, I sin everyday against my wife. This is just life\u201d? Is that your attitude? Or do you see it and feel it as evil? <\/p>\n

That\u2019s what David did. David could have minimized his sin of adultery. It was only one act of adultery with Bathsheba, you know. So what\u2019s the big deal? Just one act of fornication, one act of adultery. He could have minimized it, but he doesn\u2019t do that. He could have blamed Bathsheba. What in the world was she doing bathing out in her outdoor courtyard at night so she could be seen? He could have blamed her, but he didn\u2019t. He could have rationalized his sin of murder. \u201cWell, I didn\u2019t actually kill Uriah. I wasn\u2019t even at the battle.\u201d He could have rationalized it, but he didn\u2019t do that. He owned the reality of his sin. He truly confessed his sins to God. <\/p>\n

Confession of sin in your marriage must begin with the \u2018vertical,\u2019 confessing it to God. Then it must proceed to the \u2018horizontal.\u2019 <\/p>\n

James 5:16, \u201cConfess therefore your sins one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.\u201d<\/p>\n

In this portion James is dealing with the reality that sometimes sickness is connected to sin, but the principle here is the same, whether it\u2019s sickness-related or not. <\/p>\n

Here is a simple instruction for you, as husbands and wives, for all of us. We are not only to confess our sin to God first and foremost, but when we sin against our spouses, we are to confess our sin to our spouses. We are to do the same thing with them that we do with God in the sense that we own the reality of our evil sin in our marriage, our guilt, and we call it what God calls it. <\/p>\n

Therefore, in the light of these Scriptures, husbands and wives, it is not satisfactory because it is not biblical, for you to simply say to your spouse, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d When you sin and say to your spouse, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d and that\u2019s all you say, you\u2019re telling your spouse how you feel. You\u2019re saying, \u201cI feel sorry.\u201d You should feel sorry if you\u2019ve sinned, but it\u2019s not enough to say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d <\/p>\n

You shouldn\u2019t simply say, \u201cI apologize.\u201d It\u2019s okay if you apologize. It\u2019s good if you apologize, but we also apologize for things that have nothing to do with sin. When you confess sin, you need to do more than apologize. Certainly, you also shouldn\u2019t be saying, \u201cI didn\u2019t really mean it. I know I did it, but I didn\u2019t mean it.\u201d Well, you did do it. You did sin. It\u2019s not right to say, \u201cI didn\u2019t mean it.\u201d You did it. <\/p>\n

Of course it\u2019s even worse, husbands and wives, to say nothing, to pretend that you didn\u2019t really sin, to ignore it, to go to bed not having confessed your sin, to have days go by when you don\u2019t confess your sin to your spouse. That is sinful in itself. <\/p>\n

Confession of sin means saying to your spouse, \u201cHoney, please forgive me for my sin of speaking harshly, unlovingly to you. That was not like Jesus Christ. Christ commands me to love you from my heart, with my words, with my deeds. I didn\u2019t. Please forgive me for my sin.\u201d That\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about, and therefore you\u2019ve got to make time to do it. That means if you\u2019ve got kids running around in your household, you either get them into the living room and you go off into the kitchen, or if they\u2019re so young that they can\u2019t be left alone, somehow you\u2019ve got to work this out so that you do not delay confessing your sins to God and to your spouse. <\/p>\n

Definition #3: REPENTANCE FROM SIN<\/strong><\/p>\n

What is repentance? We live in a time and culture when repentance is generally not proclaimed from many pulpits or by Christians. Repentance is ignored; it is not mentioned; or, it is superficial in nature and watered down whenever it is discussed or taught. What does the Bible teach us about repentance? What is genuine, biblical repentance? <\/p>\n

When you sin in your marriage, you not only need to confess your sin to God and confess your sin to your spouse, you need to repent of your sins. So, what is repentance? Without that repentance you will not have a happy marriage, you will not have a godly marriage. You need to have biblical repentance in your marriage. <\/p>\n

Repentance\u2014according to the Bible, in the Old Testament and the New Testament\u2014is a changed mind. It starts with the mind. It\u2019s thinking differently about yourself. It\u2019s thinking differently about your sin. It\u2019s thinking differently about your relationship with your spouse. Repentance is a changed mind. Instead of thinking that your harshness or your impatience or your irritability with your wife is okay, you now think God\u2019s thoughts and you say, \u201cNot only is this not okay, this is evil.\u201d You think God\u2019s thoughts about your sins.<\/p>\n

Repentance is also a changed heart. Your affections are going to change. Instead of thinking that the sin you commit repeatedly in your marriage is basically no problem, you now begin to have a heart of hatred towards your real sin. <\/p>\n

Repentance also issues in a changed life. It\u2019s not just a changed thinking and even a changed heart, but your spouse will see the fruit of repentance in your marriage and in your family. There will be a change in your life, in your marriage. <\/p>\n

2 Corinthians 7:9\u201311, \u201cI now rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye were made sorry unto repentance; for ye were made sorry after a godly sort, that ye might suffer loss by us in nothing. For godly sorrow works repentance unto salvation, a repentance which brings no regret; but the sorrow of the world works death. For behold, this selfsame thing, that ye were made sorry after a godly sort, what earnest care it wrought in you, yes what clearing of yourselves, yes what indignation, yes what fear, yes what longing, yes what zeal, yes what avenging! In everything ye approved yourselves to be pure in the matter.\u201d<\/p>\n

You see, Paul says here that first of all there are two kinds of sorrow. There is a worldly sorrow for sin, and there is a godly sorrow for sin. You must make sure that in your marriage, in your life, your sorrow over your sin is not worldly sorrow, but rather godly sorrow. You see, sorrow itself is not necessarily a sign of repentance. You can meet people who are very sorry for their sin, but not with a godly sorrow. They\u2019re really sorry about the consequences. They\u2019ve made a mess of their lives, and they see that their sin\u2014they even call it sin\u2014has made a mess. They\u2019re really not sorry about the reality of their own heart\u2019s sin. You see, even self-condemnation, even some remorse for sin is not necessarily a sign of repentance. True repentance will have that aspect of self-condemnation and remorse, but it will be more than that.<\/p>\n

Judas, we are told, repented. He had self-condemnation. He had some degree of remorse, but that was all a worldly sorrow, that was not genuine repentance. Godly sorrow works repentance unto salvation. It is a turning away from your sin, whatever the sin may be. It is a turning back to God, through Christ, with a full purpose of heart to live a life of holiness.<\/p>\n

Notice in verse 11 of 2 Corinthians 7 some of the characteristics of genuine repentance. <\/p>\n

There is no longer indifference. In your marriage you\u2019re not going to have the ho-hum attitude about the sin in your heart, in your marriage. Rather, you are going to be swift to deal with your sin before God, with your spouse, in your family. You are going to be determined to hate it and reject it and forsake it. <\/p>\n

You will have a clearing of yourself, Paul says. You will make matters right. So, when you\u2019ve sinned against your husband by being insubmissive as a pattern of life, genuine repentance means you\u2019re not only confessing it to God, you\u2019re confessing it to your husband, and your children who have seen that insubmission are going to hear your confession as well. You\u2019re going to be determined\u2014with purpose of heart\u2014to forsake your insubmissive, snotty ways with your husband. You\u2019re going to be determined to make every matter right. Where you have been insubmissive and rebellious towards your husband, you\u2019re going to do whatever you have to do to set things right in your marriage and in your family. <\/p>\n

That may mean that you have to go to somebody else here in the church. You may have to go to another sister and say, \u201cYou know, I have gossipped with you about my husband, and I blamed him, but I actually have been a terrible wife. I have been insubmissive to my husband, and I never told you that. I made you think it\u2019s all my husband. It\u2019s not all my husband. It\u2019s me!\u201d That\u2019s what\u2019s meant by clearing yourself, and if you need to do that and you refuse to do that, that is not genuine repentance.<\/p>\n

You might say, \u201cWell, if I had to do that, that would be so humiliating.\u201d No. That would be called: rightly humbling yourself before someone else. That would be very good for your soul. \u201cGod resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble.\u201d<\/p>\n

Furthermore, in 2 Corinthians 7, Paul says true repentance has some indignation. In other words, you are angry not with with your spouse, you are angry not with God. You are no longer saying, \u201cWhy did you give me this husband?\u201d Or, \u201cWhy did you give me this wife?\u201d That is wicked thinking, and wicked speaking, and a wicked heart! When you begin to truly repent, you have an indignation and anger at yourself and your sin. No longer are you angry at everyone else. You\u2019re angry with your sin, and you start to repent and deal with it. <\/p>\n

That genuine repentance has other aspects, and it\u2019s important to see those from the Scripture.<\/p>\n

Lesson:<\/strong><\/p>\n

In your marriage, that genuine repentance will always be joined to faith and hope.<\/p>\n

Joel 2:12\u201313, \u201cYet even now, says Jehovah, turn unto me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning; and rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto Jehovah your God; for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abundant in lovingkindness, and repents him of the evil.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joel has proclaimed that God will bring dreadful judgment upon the people of God. His purpose in that proclamation was not simply to terrify the people of God and leave them in despair. He did want them to be sobered and in one way to be terrified, but he did not want to leave them in despair. His purpose was to move them to act, to repent of their sins, and return unto God. He joins his exhortation to repent, to an encouragement, to hope in receiving mercy from God! <\/p>\n

1) Notice from this passage that it is the Lord Himself who is exhorting sinners\u2014and in our context here, sinning husbands, sinning wives, or any sinners\u2014to repent. Verse 12, \u201cYet even now, says Jehovah.\u201d God Himself is exhorting sinners to repent, and you are to recognize that\u2019s what God is doing for you right now. You may not be married, you may be indulging some sins in your heart, in your life, and no one knows about it, but God does. Your dad doesn’t know. Your mom doesn’t know. Your friends don\u2019t know, but you\u2019re indulging that sin, and God Himself is telling you right now: repent.<\/p>\n

2) Notice also in verse 12, it is not too late to repent. He says, \u201cYet even now…\u201d Though you have abused God\u2019s patience, though you have refused God\u2019s mercy in the past, God is saying to each one of you, \u201cYet even now, turn unto Me, and I will pardon you. You may indeed have rejected me for years. You may indeed have abused My patience, but yet even now, if you turn, God offers hope and mercy and salvation for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

3) Notice also this turning to the Lord is to be wholehearted. \u201cReturn to Me with all your heart\u2026\u201d Not with half of your heart, with all your heart. This, I think, is often the very touchstone, the crux, the main problem with many in their marriages: they\u2019re not repenting with their whole heart. There\u2019s some degree of genuine, sincere sorrow before God for the problems and the sins; there\u2019s confession to God; there\u2019s even confession to spouses; but there\u2019s not this wholehearted repentance. There\u2019s not a wholehearted forsaking of the sin. <\/p>\n

When that does not happen, that\u2019s because you don\u2019t really hate your sin the way you should. You don\u2019t really see it the way God sees it, because if you saw it the way God sees it, you would begin to hate it the way God hates it, and that is necessary if there\u2019s going to be a wholehearted turning unto God in repentance.<\/p>\n

4) Notice from this passage that the Lord says to turn with sincere grief for your sin and for offending God. He says, \u201cReturn to Me\u2026with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning.\u201d There\u2019s to be a grief in your heart, not worldly sorrow, not just sorrow because of the mess you\u2019ve made of your life, but there\u2019s to be a grief. Do you have grief over your sin? Do your marital sins grieve you? You need to turn to the Lord with fasting and weeping and mourning. <\/p>\n

It could be that indeed you maybe do need to actually set aside a time of fasting. Tell your wife, tell your husband, \u201cI don\u2019t grieve over my sin in the marriage with you as I should. I need to repent more wholeheartedly with grief. I\u2019m going to fast for the next three days, and I\u2019m going to plead with God that He will hear my prayers in fasting, break into my heart, and give me the grief that I need for my sin.\u201d Maybe you need to do that. You must see your sin as God sees it.<\/p>\n

5) Notice now in verse 13, the Lord also says repentance involves humility of heart. Verse 13, \u201cRend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto Jehovah your God.\u201d There\u2019s to be humility of heart. In the Old Testament especially, we see that when someone was manifesting repentance, they often ripped their garments, their clothing, put dirt on their heads to show outwardly repentance towards God, sorrow for sin. Here God, through Joel, is saying to not do that with your clothing, to do it with your heart. He is not interested in outward drama. That doesn\u2019t mean God doesn\u2019t want to the outward realities, He does. What He is saying is that your repentance must begin in your heart. <\/p>\n

Sincere grief for your sin must be joined to humility of heart. Humility begins inwardly. It\u2019s a tearing apart of your heart in sorrow before God. It is saying, \u201cI am nothing.\u201d Do you ever say that to God? \u201cI am not somebody great. I am vile.\u201d If you\u2019re a Christian, you can confess, \u201cBy the grace of God, I am not what I once was, but in my remaining sin, I am guilty. I am helpless.\u201d You see, there\u2019s a breaking of the heart. A broken and contrite heart God does not despise. That\u2019s what true repentance in your marriage will manifest, will bring forth: a broken and contrite heart before God.<\/p>\n

Illustration: <\/strong><\/p>\n

When I was in the business world for a number of years, I worked on a major project involving carbon fiber table tops. It was for a company called Siemens. Carbon fiber is a fabric made out of carbon. When carbon fiber items are made correctly they are very lightweight, and yet extremely strong. Many parts on airplanes are made out of carbon fiber. This project was a carbon fiber treatment table for radiation oncology. Cancer treatment. So, it was intended to be lightweight, but very strong, and radiation could go through it. It was virtually invisible to radiation. Radiation didn\u2019t really do anything when it went through it. It was like it wasn\u2019t there. When made correctly it doesn\u2019t break. We were instructed by Siemens that these carbon table tops had to have a safety factor. They said, \u201cWell, the heaviest patient is probably 500 pounds. You have to make it to support three times that weight, 1500 pounds, but it still has to be lightweight, basically invisible to radiation; and it can\u2019t break.\u201d We did make the carbon fiber treatment tables. <\/p>\n

Your heart is not supposed to be that way. Your heart is not to be like that treatment table made out of carbon fiber that doesn\u2019t break even when you put 1500 pounds on it. Your heart, with reference to your sin, is to be like an Italian pizzelle cookie. They\u2019re very thin, they have a fancy design, and they\u2019re very pretty and tasty. But guess what? They break very easily. It doesn\u2019t take much pressure to make it break. That\u2019s what your heart should be like, with reference to your sin. Your heart should not be like a carbon fiber table top that doesn\u2019t break, but like an Italian pizzelle cookie. That when the Word of God, when the correction of the pastor, when the exhortation of your spouse about a problem, a sin in your life comes to you, you are quick to break. Not in emotional tears, but you\u2019re quick to break before God, confessing your sin to God and to your spouse.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoney, you are right. I sinned in that way. Please forgive me.\u201d It has to be instant, not one hour later, not six hours later, not a day later, not a week later. Your heart needs to be tender, breakable before God and before your spouse. That happens when you are humble, when you have humility of heart.<\/p>\n

6) Notice from verse 13 that in repentance you turn to the Lord in faith and hope. Notice what he says there. \u201cTurn.\u201d Why? \u201cRend your heart.\u201d Why? \u201cDon\u2019t tear your garments.\u201d Why? \u201cTurn to God.\u201d Why? The reason is given. \u201cFor he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abundant in lovingkindness, and He will relent from doing you evil.\u201d <\/p>\n

You are to think about God in this way. God is not a harsh God. God is not an unloving God. God is a God who delights in mercy, and He is gracious and merciful. He is slow to anger. If you stop and think about it, as a husband or a wife, you should realize that indeed God is very slow to anger, and He is abundant in lovingkindness and mercy. That\u2019s what you are called to do by God in His Word today: to think right thoughts about the living God. That He really is a God who is gracious to sinners like you. <\/p>\n

Your marriage may be on the brink of divorce\u2014I hope that\u2019s not true with any marriage here\u2014but I wouldn\u2019t be surprised if there\u2019s a marriage here that\u2019s on the brink of divorce. You may think, \u201cWe can never be different. I hate my wife.\u201d A sinful statement. \u201cI hate my husband. We\u2019re only together because of the kids.\u201d If you truly confess your sins individually and together as husband and wife, and truly repent\u2014as we see in the Bible, as we see in Joel chapter 2\u2014God is a God who delights to be gracious to vile, helpless, sinful sinners just like you. That\u2019s what He is, and you need to make the time to think about these realities. <\/p>\n

I do this, and I have recently done it. When I look at the sins in my own heart and I look at the sins in my life\u2014and by the grace of God they\u2019re not breaking forth outwardly, but if God removed His hand they would break forth outwardly\u2014I am endeavoring to mortify my own remaining sins by the Spirit of God, with the Word of God. I have a wonderful marriage, but I see much in my heart that is very wicked and evil and sinful, and I confess it to God. I endeavor to repent from it, but what really breaks through to my heart is when I think about the fact that God has been so patient with me. God has been so slow to anger with me. <\/p>\n

When you think about God\u2019s grace, God\u2019s mercy, God\u2019s love, it starts to melt the hard heart and it shows you how ugly your sins are. Then you go further and contemplate that that same God sent His only begotten Son into the world to take on human flesh, and He lived a perfect, sinless life for me. Never once did He sin in His thoughts, in His emotions, in His words, in His tones, in His body, in His imaginations. Never once did He sin, and from before the foundation of this world, God\u2014in sovereign electing grace\u2014chose to save Jeffrey Alan Smith from his sins. He sent His Son to die on the cross so that all of my sins would be punished righteously in Christ, and Christ\u2019s righteousness would be transferred to me. So that I\u2019m accepted by God now, in Christ Jesus. <\/p>\n

When you think on those realities, it makes your heart humble, and it overwhelms you with the love of God, and then you want to hate your sin, and you want to repent of your sin. You thank God for who He is, and it makes you want to love your wife as Christ loves the church. Or it makes you want to submit to and honor and revere your husband, as you\u2019re commanded to by God through Christ. <\/p>\n

You need to not only think of the law of God\u2014don\u2019t ignore the law of God, you need the law of God\u2014but you need to see that God is gracious and merciful and slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness to sinners who truly repent and come to Him in Christ Jesus. <\/p>\n

You may say, \u201cWell, I feel like I am a hypocrite. I feel I am a slave to my lusts. I have lied to my spouse repeatedly.\u201d As we saw, confess all of those sins to God through Christ. Confess them appropriately to your spouse and others. Call upon God through Jesus Christ. Think upon the reality of who God is, who Christ is, what Christ has done. Think long enough, until those truths and realities melt your heart in gratitude to God and lead you to repentance. The goodness of God is intended by God to lead you to repentance. Think on those realities.<\/p>\n

Therefore, if you\u2019re going to think on those realities, you need to make time<\/em> to think on those realities. \u201cI\u2019m too busy.\u201d You can cut out television. You can cut out sports. You can cut out Facebook. You can cut out all sorts of things and make time to think, to meditate upon these realities, so that your heart is impacted. <\/p>\n

Regardless of whether you’re married or not, if you\u2019re not a Christian, you need to see your sins the way God sees them. You need to call upon God now and ask Him to show you your sins, to convict you of your sins, to see them the way He sees them. You need to ask God to show you His mercy in Christ. You need to begin there. You need to ask! \u201cYou have not because you ask not. You ask not because you want not.\u201d You do not want because you love your sins, but God commands you to repent and to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. Begin today, do not delay. Let\u2019s close in prayer.<\/p>\n

Lord, our God, we cry out unto You. We pray that gospel realities, that the realities of Jesus Christ and His grace and mercy and salvation would break in by Your Spirit to all of our hearts. Lord, we pray that You would radically transform every single marriage. That each and every marriage would honor You by being a godly marriage. Lord, work that we may indeed be daily confessing our sins, and daily repenting of our sins, and daily trusting in Jesus Christ alone for forgiveness and cleansing and transformation. Please, work in a mighty way in our midst, in our hearts, in our lives. In Jesus\u2019 name we pray. Amen.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jeff Smith The very truths that I will preach about apply in many ways to those who are not married also. Let\u2019s pray. Lord, our God, we pray asking for the presence of Your Holy Spirit. That He would take Your truth and the principles of Your truth and apply them to every single heart, … Continue reading Biblical Marriage Part 3<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-723","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/723","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=723"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/723\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":733,"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/723\/revisions\/733"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heraldofgrace.org\/biblicalexpositions\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}