Jeff Smith

Let’s ask God for His blessing upon our time together. Let’s seek Him in prayer.

Our God, we ask that You would give us minds and hearts that are eager to receive Your Word; that You would work, by Your Spirit, that every one of us would believe and embrace Your Word, would love Your Word, and then would, by Your grace, go forth from this very church building determined to obey Your Word. In all of these things, we ask that Christ would be honored, that Christ would be glorified, and that Christ would be the supreme love of each of our hearts. We ask for these mercies, in His name, amen.

I may have said this on a previous occasion, but I have a degree in Biology, so I love lots of things in life. I love church history; I love history; I love biology; I love the Bible. There are many things that I love. I love good food, as well. I love chocolate. I love my wife, but she’s not in the same category as loving chocolate. I don’t want to give the wrong idea there. In human biology there are molecules called amino acids, and they are chemically similar. Each amino acid has a carboxyl and an amino functional group attached to it, but each amino acid is distinct one from another. These amino acids are the building blocks of proteins, and you need proteins in your body if you’re going to live. If you’re going to be healthy, you must have all twenty amino acids, because you need them as building blocks for good health. If you’re missing one or more you can have structural problems in proteins, you can have functional problems, then, as a result. You can have lots of serious problems in your body. You won’t have a healthy body.

So, that’s just a little illustration to say that the presuppositions that I began with last time are like amino acids. You have to have them if you’re going to have a healthy life, spiritually. You need to understand and believe, embrace these presuppositions. They’re all similar; they’re kind of intertwined. You have to have all of them. So, just by way of quick review, I would like to state what we covered last time in the way of these presuppositions.

The first was that the Bible is the Word of God. The second was that because the Bible is the Word of God, the Bible is timeless, and, therefore, it is transcultural. It’s relevant to Hispanics; it’s relevant to Gringos, like me. It doesn’t matter who you are. Thirdly, because the Bible is the Word of God, the Bible is infallible. God is infallible; His Word is infallible. God is without error in anything He says or does, and the Bible is without error in all matters of life and faith. Fourthly, because the Bible is the Word of God, the Bible is sufficient for all matters of life and faith. We don’t need to be turning to worldly psychologists to learn about marriage. We don’t need to be turning to any so-called expert in our society to understand marriage. We need to go to the Bible to understand what marriage is all about. I qualified that by saying you can go to good, solid, Christian books like ones Pastor Alan Dunn has written, but, you see, what is he doing? He’s going back to the all-sufficient Bible to teach us what a marriage should be.

The fifth presupposition is that Genesis is history. It’s not myth; it’s not fiction; it’s not just a bunch of nice stories. It’s actual, factual history. Sixthly, your marital problems—and every marriage, to one degree or another, has some, even the best of marriages with a godly husband, a godly wife, have at times, a little bit of clashing, a little bit of difficulty—but, your marital problems, whether they’re small or big, are not unique. It’s a lie of the devil! It’s a deception of your own heart to think that, “My problems are unique. I’m special.” No. That’s not true.

The seventh presupposition was this: the grace of God is absolutely essential if you are to be a godly, Christian husband or wife and enjoy the blessedness of marriage. Then, under that seventh presupposition I said this: to experience this grace of God, you must, first of all, be born again. Sometimes, husbands and wives have problems because one of them or both of them are unconverted. They’re not born again. They haven’t experienced the grace of God. Under this seventh presupposition about the grace of God being absolutely essential, I said you must also, continually, trust in Christ for His grace and His power, daily, to enable you to be a godly husband, a godly wife. It’s not enough just to become a Christian, you then need the grace of God every single day to be a godly, Christian husband or wife.

So, those were seven presuppositions. The seventh one had those three subpoints, it actually has two more subpoints. That’s our new material. We’re still on the seventh presupposition, that the grace of God is absolutely essential if you’re to have a godly marriage. The third subpoint is this: you must continually wash your personal and marital sins in the blood of Jesus Christ, and thus, you will experience the grace of God in your marriage.

Turn in your Bibles to Hebrews 9. I shall begin reading at verse 13. Hebrews 9:13, “For if the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkling them that have been defiled sanctify unto the cleansing of the flesh, how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish unto God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?” You see, here the writer to the Hebrews is instructing us that what could not be accomplished by animal sacrifices under the Old Covenant is now perfectly accomplished through the sacrifice of the God-man, the Lord Jesus Christ. Christ’s bloody, sacrificial death truly and fully satisfied all of the requirements of God’s Law and justice for everyone who trust in Christ alone for pardon and cleansing.

So, that must always be in the forefront of your mind and heart and in the center of your marriage: the realities of the gospel, the realities of the cross of Jesus Christ. When I say that, I don’t mean you need to have a cross on a wall, of course, I think you all know that. The Roman Catholic idea that you should have a crucifix is abominable, even the idea that you need to have a cross on the wall or on your little desk or something like that. No, no no. That’s not what the Bible means. That’s not what I mean when I say the cross must be central in your heart, in your life, in your marriage. It means you must be bringing the realities of Jesus Christ’s death on the cross, His bloody sacrifice to atone for all of your sins to make full satisfaction before God of the punishment of all of your sins. The cross of Christ must be in the center of your marriage, in the center of your life.

If you’re going to have a happy marriage, you’re going to need the blood of Christ to continually cleanse away all your sins, because you still are sinners, as Christians. You’re not perfect yet. One day you will be in the presence of God, but now you are not yet perfect. You have remaining sin. You will sin against one another, sin against God, and, therefore, you need this washing of the blood of Christ.

You see, what does the writer to the Hebrews say? He says here it’s not just for the purpose of forgiveness and cleansing, although that is extremely important, of course the blood of Christ cleanses you. You are forgiven, in Christ, but there’s a purpose in all of this cleanliness. It’s so that you may serve the Living God in all spheres of life! Christ Jesus saves sinners, He cleanses them, He forgives them, He begins to transform them, so that they presently serve God here and now on earth. You can serve God in your marriage by doing what God commands you to do, as husband and wife. I want you to understand that. You must continually wash your personal and marital sins in the blood of Christ, and thus, experience the grace of Christ in your marriage.

Now, a fourth sub point here: you must confess your personal and marital sins to God at all times, and, when it is appropriate biblically, when it is necessary biblically, you must confess your sins to your spouse, and thus, experience the grace of God in your marriage.

Turn in your Bibles to 1 John 1, and verse 9. I know that a lot of what I’m saying is very basic, very foundational, but we need to have these basics reinforced. In 1 John 1:9 we read, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This is what you must do, husband. When you sin against your wife, you’re also sinning against God, first and foremost, and you must confess that sin to God. You must not delay in doing that confessing. What does it mean to confess? This word in the Greek, what it means is you agree with God. You agree with God.

So, if you lost your temper with your wife and it was clearly sinful—it doesn’t matter what she did or didn’t do, you sinned—you will agree with God in your confession. You will say, “What I did was actually a form of murder.” That’s what you confess. You don’t say, “Oh, Lord, forgive me. I kind of got upset with my wife.” Well, I wouldn’t call that a confession. Confession is agreeing with God’s judgement about you and your actions or your inactions, what you said, what you didn’t do, didn’t say. You’re agreeing with God. “I spoke words, Lord, to my wife, that were unkind, unloving, sinful. They were actually murderous words. Please, forgive me for my sinful, sinful speak.” That’s what confession is. It’s real. It’s agreeing with God.

All Christian husbands and wives have need of the daily forgiveness of all of their sins in the blood of Jesus Christ. I thank God, this is probably one of many Scriptures, but, certainly, it’s one of those Scriptures that I find I am quoting frequently to God. “Lord, You have promised that if I confess my sins—my sins against my wife, against You, here’s what they are, Lord—you have promised that You will be faithful and righteous to forgive me and to cleanse me. That forgiveness and cleansing is in Christ Jesus, in His blood alone.” That’s what the Christian does, and he believes that gospel truth.

Turn to James chapter 5, and verse 16. “Confess, therefore, your sins one to another, and pray for one another that you may be healed. The supplication of a righteous man avails much in its working.” Now, in this context, James is encouraging believers to confess their sins to each other, with specific reference to those sins that may have brought on sickness or might be hindering physical healing. That’s the context. In the context of sickness, physical healing, he says, “Confess your sins one to another,” because it’s possible that there’s a connection between your sins and your sickness, and that seems very clear from the words of verses 14 through 16. If you continue to look at the context, verses 17 to 18, those verses give us the example of Elijah and his praying, not for physical healing. Elijah, in that context that is quoted by James, referred to by James in verses 17 and 18, it’s not Elijah praying for physical healing, but rather, Elijah’s praying for the stopping of rain and the giving of rain.

In other words, our prayers are to be broad for physical healing of those who are suffering from diseases. Our prayers are to be broad where we are praying for other concerns, as well, and, therefore, our prayers are also to include confession of sin one to another. So, it’s not just in the context of sickness. It’s not just in the context of disease, but we are to confess our sins one to another when we sin against one another, and then solicit the prayers of that brother or sister on that behalf.

James 5:16 is relevant to husbands and wives. You are to confess your sins one to another. So, if you sin against your wife with your speech or you sin against your husband by your disobedience, you’re to confess it to God first and foremost; but then, when it’s appropriate, you should confess it one to another and say, “My dear husband, I actually was disobedient to you. You told me to do this and I chose to do that. You now know that and that was sin against God and it was sin against you. It was a form of rebellion against your authority. Please, forgive me for my sin of rebelling against you, of not submitting to you.” You’re confessing your sins, you see, one to another.

My question to all of you who are married is are you doing these two things? You see, you’re hearing this, and this is probably not the first time you’ve heard this, but are you presently, as husbands and wives, confessing your sins daily to God, seeking forgiveness in Christ, and confessing your sins to one another when you sin against one another? You must do that if you would have a blessed, happy marriage, if you would experience the grace of God working in your hearts and marriages.

That’s all under the seventh presupposition that I have given you, but now I would like to move on to an eighth presupposition. Remember, this is all prep work. Don’t get bored with this. It’s very relevant. My eighth presupposition is this: obedience to the Word of God is absolutely essential if you are to be a godly, Christian husband or wife. Obedience to the Word of God is absolutely essential. I’ve really already referred to that, but I’d like to open this up a little bit more.

Turn in your Bibles to John 14, and verse 21. John 14:21, “He that has My commandments and keeps them, he it is that loves Me; and he that loves Me shall be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will manifest Myself unto him.” “He that has My commandments and keeps them, he it is that loves Me,” Jesus said. Do you profess to love the Lord Jesus Christ? Well, if you do love the Lord Jesus Christ, the validation of that is that you are obeying Jesus Christ. You are obeying not some of His commandments, but all of His commandments.

So, for husbands here, you know already, before I even say it, that your central command given to you by God is that you, as a husband, are to love your wife as Christ loves the church. That’s a command from God to you, as a husband. You say you love Christ, you say you’re a Christian, you say you’re a disciple of Christ, you’re a member of this church, but are you obeying that command? Are you daily, in your home, with your wife, loving her as Christ loves the church? Yes or no? Your obedience will not be perfect, I understand that, but it will be sincere. Your obedience will not be perfect, but it will be a pattern of obedience. It will have some areas of sin and failure, but are you obeying the Word of God?

For wives, the primary or central command for you is to submit to your husband, to obey him in all things, and to respect him. Do you do that? Are you obeying the Word of God in your marriage?

Turn to James chapter 1, and verse 22. James 1:22, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only deluding your own selves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man beholding his natural face in a mirror; for he beholds himself and goes away, and straightway forgets what manner of man he was. But he that looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and so continues, being not a hearer that forgets but a doer that works, this man shall be blessed in his doing.” You see, James makes it very clear. It’s not enough to come to church on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights to hear the Word of God. You should come to church on the Lord’s Day, Sunday morning, Sunday night to hear the Word of God, but it’s not enough to just hear the Word of God and go forth and do nothing about it.

What would your boss think? He calls you into his office and he says, “Here’s what I want you to do Mr. Worker or Miss Worker: ABC.” You say, “Yes, sir.” You leave his office, you throw the piece of paper that he gave you with the ABC on it, you throw it into the trash and you go whistling down to your cubicle. You start playing video games on the computer. The boss, then, walks by down this aisle of all the cubicles, and he sees your cubicle and there you are. He says, “What are you doing? I gave you some commands, things you need to do, ABC.” “Oh, yeah, I heard that.” “But what are you doing? You’re playing video games! You should be doing what I told you to do!” Of course, you know, the boss will be right to be upset.

Well, why do we think that God doesn’t care about our obedience or disobedience? Many Christians, they act that way. “Oh, I love my Bible. Oh, I love good preaching.” But then you go home and you treat your wife like dirt. You think God doesn’t see? You think God doesn’t care? You think God is oblivious? You think He is unconcerned? Totally false. It’s not enough to hear the Word of God. It’s not enough to agree with the teaching of the Bible. You must obey the teaching of the Bible in all areas of life, including marriage. Blessing comes to those who hear and obey the Word of God.

A ninth presupposition—and this is my last presupposition—a Berean spirit is essential as you study the Bible on the subject of marriage. A Berean spirit is essential as you study the Bible’s teaching on marriage.

Turn to Acts 17, beginning at verse 10. Acts 17:10, “And the brethren immediately sent away Paul and Silas by night unto Berea, who when they were come there, went into the synagogue of the Jews. Now, these were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, examining the Scriptures daily, whether these things were so.”

When I speak these messages to you—last time, today, and, God-willing, in the future, whenever that may be—I am not asking anyone here to listen to me and turn off your brain. I do not want anyone here listening mindlessly, and I know your two pastors do not want you to listen to them mindlessly. You are to be like the Bereans. You are, indeed, to listen and receive the Word with all readiness of mind, that is, with all eagerness, with all zeal.

You are to examine the Scriptures daily, whether what you’re hearing is true and biblical or not. I like that word “examining” the Scriptures. Some of you know that I have a deaf daughter. I think I probably said that previously, as well. I have a deaf daughter, so I know sign language. There’s a sign for the word “examining” that you would use in this passage. The idea is that you’re searching, you’re examining, you’re studying. Well, that’s what the word means here. That’s what you are to do with your Bibles. As you hear whatever I say to you in these messages, you are to have your Bibles before you and you’re to read your Bibles and you’re to say, “Is that what the Bible does say? Is that what God says?”

You see, you don’t want my opinions, you want God’s Word. I’m trying to give you God’s Word, but you need a Berean spirit to receive the Word of God with all eagerness of mind, to examine the Scriptures daily to see whether what you’re hearing is true or not according to God’s Word. That’s what you must do in any of these studies that I bring to you here on Sunday nights or whenever that may be. You are to be in agreement with God’s Word, and you must implement God’s truths in your life and in your marriage, because it is God’s Word.

So, those are my nine presuppositions, which are foundational for all that we will study, God-willing, on the topic of marriage in subsequent Sunday nights. Believe it or not, now I want to move on to definitions. Now, don’t sit there and say, “Oh boy, definitions. You already have presuppositions, now definitions.” But, I would like to give you some definition according to the Bible. In addition to embracing presuppositions, I believe it is essential that we ensure that we understand the Bible’s definitions of some crucial terms that I will use in such studies; for if we do not define these terms according to the Scriptures, we will misunderstand one another. I might use a certain term, a word, and think one thing and you hear it, and if we’re not on the same page, then we misunderstand one another.

Let me give you an illustration of this. During my first visit to the country of Pakistan, in 2002, I heard several young men state they had graduated from college. They were speaking in English, and they said, “You know, I graduated from college.” And, as I kept listening to these young men say they graduated from college, I found it really kind of strange, because they’re very poor. I asked them questions about their college education; it seemed even more strange to me. Whatever their colleges were, I thought, “They can’t be the same as a college, a university in America.” So, I then asked Pastor Arif Khan—our missionary at that time in Pakistan—I said, “Arif, these young guys are saying they’ve all graduated from college!” I said, “I don’t understand this.” Well, he laughed. He said, “No, no, no. We use that English word ‘college’ here in Pakistan, that means 11th and 12th grade in secondary school. So, what they were saying was that they graduated from high school.” You see, they used the word “college,” they meant one thing; I heard the word “college,” I’m thinking something different. We don’t want that to happen. We need to understand our terms according to the Bible.

One of the most—if not the most crucial term to understand—is a little word: sin. Sin. In our study of the Bible regarding marriage, we must understand that at the root of the vast majority of marital problems is sin. Unfortunately, we do not always believe this, and consequently, we do not view our marriage problems correctly and biblically. Let me give an example.

When a husband is laid off from work and financial pressures are coming upon him and the marriage, and now marriage problems are beginning to pop up, it’s easy to say, “Oh, the problem is money. The problem is he doesn’t have a job. The financial pressures are the problem.” You see, it’s easy to think that the finances—a non-sin reality—are the problem, but that’s not true. The finances are a problem, but if there are now marriage problems between husband and wife, there are some sin problems. The financial problems just brought sin problems to the surface. At the root of such a situation may be the sin of unbelief. The husband and wife are not trusting in God’s faithfulness. Sin is to not trust in God’s faithfulness when you’ve lost your job.

Or there may be bitterness. Maybe the man was fired wrongfully, and now he’s becoming bitter against his employer, which is sin. Even though he was wrongfully fired, if he becomes bitter he’s now sinning against God and against his employer, and the bitterness is now manifesting itself in the way he speaks to his wife, the way he speaks to the kids. That bitterness is sin, and, you see, such a bitter man is actually now sinning against God, because he’s bitter against God, because God is in sovereign control of all things. God is in control of the employer who wrongfully fired him, and the Christian must recognize and remember that God is in sovereign control of all things. When you’re bitter about providence, bitter about life’s circumstances, usually there is bitterness towards God, and you have to identify the sin, not just the other outside difficulties, if you’re going to solve your marriage problems. Sin is at the root of the vast majority of marital problems.

Now, I also understand that there are times when legitimate, organic, medical problems can set the stage for marital difficulties, and if there are real, medical problems, they must be treated as medical problems. I’m not denying medical realities, but we must not call a marital problem a sickness when plainly it is not a medical, organic problem, but rather, a sin problem. Do you understand what I’m saying? Don’t say, “Well, those marriage problems—it’s just a bunch of sickness.” Well, if there is no medical problem, it’s not a sickness; and if there is a medical problem, you deal with the medical problem, but you don’t call sin “sickness.” Now, listen to me carefully, because I’m going to qualify that. It’s important that we call sin “sin.”

One Christian author has written this: “The tragedy is that when the world speaks of sickness, God often talks of sin. For instance, the Bible doesn’t call this world ‘a sick world,’ but that seems to be a favorite designation of people all around us. They keep on saying this in one way or another. ‘This world is sick; this country is sick; such and such a person is sick.’ That seems to be the modern diagnosis and excuse for most of our problems.” Now, it is true that the Bible does occasionally use sickness as a metaphor for sin. That is true. God sometimes does use sickness as a metaphor for sin, but God does that to emphasize the pervasive and deadly nature of sin, not to excuse sin! God’s not excusing the sin, He just wants sinners to understand, you know, “You are sick from the head to the sole of your foot.” In other words, “You’re a sinner through and through.” He’s doing that to emphasize how pervasive sin is in our natures, and He’s doing it to show us how deadly it is, not to excuse it. To call a problem “a disease” or “a sickness” or “a mental health problem” that is really a sin problem is to reject the teaching of God’s Word, and to do a great disservice to the individual’s concern.

Sin needs to be labeled as sin. Specific sins in your marriage need to be identified as such. Unbiblical, misleading, or euphemistic terms should not be used by you in dealing with the real sins of your marriage. Don’t say, “Well, I have some issues in my marriage.” What do you mean by that? “I have some issues.” Why don’t you use the word “sin”? “I have some sins in my marriage.” Issues! I don’t know if that’s common in the Spanish language in America, but amongst more and more Americans: “Oh, he has issues.” Issues? What they really mean is, “This guy’s got big sin problems!”

Or, “Well, that’s just my personality. I just am a very reserved person.” They’re excusing the sinful non-communication, excusing some other wrong behavior in the marriage. “Oh, that’s just my personality.” Well, if your personality as a man, as a husband, doesn’t match up to Jesus Christ, then, you know, your personality needs to start being sanctified and changed in those areas where you’re deficient, where you are sinning, where you’re not meeting the standard of Christ Himself. Don’t excuse sin in your marriage as a personality matter!

Some husbands or some wives say, “Well, you know, that’s just the way I am, I can’t help myself.” Well, that’s a lie! You mean you’re irresponsible and you have no say over what you do or what you say. Christians, real Christians at times say such things like this. “I can’t help myself.” An angry husband: “I can’t help it. I just get so angry!” Yes, you can help it. You need to repent of your sin of sinful wrath, and you need to trust in Christ, and you need to bring forth fruit worthy of repentance. Don’t say, “I can’t help myself.”

Others say, “Well, that was my upbringing,” and others say, “I think that’s a genetic issue.” So, they bring the issue with genetics. Homosexuality is not genetic. That’s what homosexuals would have you believe. You may have nonsexual sins in your marriage, and you’ve somehow convinced yourself that it’s related to something genetic. Well, if it’s not a real, medical problem, don’t call sin a genetic problem. If it’s sin, call it “sin.” So, if you would truly honor God in your marriage, if you would seek to resolve your problems in your marriage, according to the Word of God, you must call sin “sin,” and you must call sin the kind of sin it is.

Let’s say you go to a doctor, and you have not been feeling well. He does some tests. He does CT scans, he does x-rays, he takes blood, and he sits down with you and he says, “I’ve got all the results; you definitely have a problem.”

You’re thinking, “Well, I already knew I had a problem. That’s why I came here in the first place.” You say, “Okay, what’s my problem?”

“Well, it’s a problem. You have a disease.”

“What disease is that?”

“Well, you know, sometimes we call it a very homeopathic sort of situational disease.”

“What does that mean?” He’s going on and just being so general. You want him to be specific!

When you sin against your wife, don’t just say, “Honey, I sinned against you, please forgive me.”

She may be thinking rightly, “My husband sinned against me specifically in this way, specifically in this way, specifically in this way.” She may have four specific sins in her mind, in her heart, that you just sinned against her and of course against God.

So, she can think of four very specific sins that you just committed against her, and now you just say, “I’m sorry, please forgive me. I sinned”? You need to be specific! You need to be specific with God, you need to be specific with your wife, and you need to call sin ‘sin.’

By the way, to say to your wife, “I’m sorry,” “I’m sorry,” “I’m sorry,” is telling her how you feel. It’s not telling her anything about what you did. You’re telling her how you feel, and, frankly, what does it matter how you feel? You should feel rotten if you sin, but you need to confess your sin. You need to say, “I sinned against you by the way I spoke to you. My speech was ungodly, it was harsh, it was unloving, it was unkind, it was murderous. Please, forgive me, my dear wife, for sinning against God and sinning against you.” That’s what I’m talking about. That’s what you should be doing. That’s what you need to be doing. Are you doing that?

Sin is lawlessness. Sin is defined with reference to Law, God’s moral law. God’s moral law is summarized in the Ten Commandments, and the Ten Commandments are further summarized by the Lord Jesus’ words that we are to love our Lord our God with all of our heart, with all of our soul, with all of our mind, with all of our strength. “That’s the first great commandment, and the second like unto it,” Jesus said, “is that you are to love your neighbor as yourself.” Sin is a violation of God’s moral law. Sin is a violation of love to God and love to someone else. Sin arises from a contempt of God, a contempt of His Law, a contempt of His will. Sin arises from a scorn, a disdain, a hatred of God. Sin is the creature’s deliberate rejection of God and His authority over your life. Sin is willful rebellion against your Creator. That’s what sin is. Sin is ugly.

If you would make progress in grace in your marriage, you must, as husband and wife, individually and together, be praying and asking God to give you a sight of your own sin, to see your sin as He sees it, to hate it as God hates it, to deal with it as God deals with it. Therefore, you need the gospel of Jesus Christ. All that I’ve said to you today is not a matter of, “Do this, do this, do this, don’t do this, don’t do this, don’t do this.” I mean, I have told you some things that I believe God in His Word tells you you should, indeed, do. You are to hear, believe, receive, obey the Word of God. That’s something you are to do, but when you see marital problems, when you see the sin of your own heart, when you see how ugly sin can be, you’re not to despair!

You’re not to give up. Rather, you are to all the more cry out and say, “Lord God, please, indeed, forgive me for all of my sins, and thank you that You so loved the world that You sent Your only begotten Son into the world, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. I am a helpless sinner, and I in myself am a hopeless sinner, and I am a needy sinner. I want to be changed; I want to repent; I don’t want to continue down this way in my marriage. I want to be holy; I want to be godly; I want to be loving of my wife. I cannot do it in myself, but Jesus Christ can enable me.

“‘I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me,’ and therefore, I cry out to You, Lord God, for Your free gospel forgiveness in the blood of Christ. I cry out not only for forgiveness, but for cleansing. I cry out not only for forgiveness in cleansing, but I plead with You, Lord, please change me! You sent Your Son into this world not only to forgive, not only to cleanse, but to change sinners so that they will be like Your Son Jesus Christ in every area of life. So, Lord, change me from the inside out, not only as a man, not only as a woman, but as a husband, as a wife, as a father, as a mother, as a Christian. Do that, Lord, for Your glory! Lord, this is what the world around us needs to see. I am, indeed, very imperfect. I, indeed, do not reflect Christ as I should, but You can change me so that in my life and in my marriage we will, indeed, show forth the glory of Jesus Christ to an onlooking world.

“Lord, you know better than I know that’s what Northern New Jersey needs, that’s what New York City needs, that’s what all this area needs. They need to see real pictures of Christ’s love for sinners, and they can see that even in our marriage, with all of its deficiencies, by Your grace and power. So, Lord, work in me, the husband, work in my wife.” As a wife, you plead the same thing. “Work in me, the wife. Work in my husband. Work in us.”

You see, the gospel is what you must always bring back to the forefront of your mind, in your heart, in your life, and your marriage again and again and again. If you pray that way—I wasn’t making that up; I wasn’t just being theatrical; I wasn’t trying to impress you. That is the way you should pray. That is the way I pray in a small way. I pray that way! I do believe, and I have seen how Jesus Christ transforms hearts, lives, marriages. He’s done it in my life and marriage; he’s done it in many other lives and marriages, and that’s what He does. You must believe that, and you must remember that God is not a God who somehow has a twisted, perverse delight to make people in marriage miserable. God delights in mercy. God delights in loving kindness. God delights to see marriages that are Christ-centered, Christ-focused, Christ-honoring. That’s God’s delight!

You need to pray to Him and say, “Lord, through Your Son and Your Spirit, with Your Word, work in our marriages.” So, we’ve seen that the gospel is front and center essential for your marriage. Let’s close now in prayer.

Lord, our God, we cry to You. There are literally millions upon millions of people who even this very day and night have spurned Your holy law and sat around televisions, watching a sporting event, having no concern for their never-dying souls. We are just a few bunch of people here in this place, in this church. We are not an impressive group of people. We are not mighty as the world sees might. We are not noble, as the world sees nobility. We are not famous; we’re not celebrities; we’re not anything special. But in another way, Lord our God, we are special, because You in Your sovereign grace and mercy have reached down in time and rescued many of us from our sins, and, therefore, we are special, because You have made us Your sons and daughters in Jesus Christ, and adopted us into Your family.

We cry out to You, as Your sons and daughters, and ask that You would work in our marriages, that they would, indeed, exalt Jesus Christ, and that the millions around us who are oblivious of their need of Christ would see our marriages, and that they would see that they are radically different from probably most of their marriages. We pray that You would give the people in this very church opportunities to speak the gospel of Christ to others who have marriages that are really a shipwreck, a train wreck, destructive, hurtful, unloving. Lord, we cry to You and ask that You would use us in all of our weakness, in all of our own deficiency to spread the gospel of Christ here in New York and New Jersey.

We pray, our God, that You would do this, that all attention would be brought to Jesus Christ. We do not want glory brought to ourselves, but we want glory to be brought to Christ. So, help us as we speak the gospel to others and as we live before people to always point them to Christ who is an able Saviour of sinners, an omnipotent Saviour, a willing Saviour, a gracious Saviour, a loving Saviour. Help us, Lord, to tell them that they must, indeed, repent of their sins, cry out for mercy in Christ, believe in Jesus Christ. That they do not need to wait until they have fixed up their marriages, fixed up their lives, but they should come as they are, with all their sin and guilt, and that they will know the reality of free, full forgiveness in Christ.

Lord, our God, please work in our very needy day, our needy country. We cry to You, again, and ask that You would send forth Your Holy Spirit with the proclamation of the gospel, with the preaching of Your Word in this church and in other faithful churches and through Your people, that You would bring about genuine, biblical, Spirit-wrought revival in our very needy country and day. Receive our prayers, and receive our thanksgiving. We do pray that You would take us all safely to our homes, that there would be no problems on the roads. So, receive our prayers, in Jesus’ name we pray.